You either love it or hate it. The snowy strip of snowsport survivalism. The pitiful path of piss-drunk plankers. The frozen freeway of flailing fools. The White Ribbon of Death! Some see it as a trap to be avoided at all costs. Some see it as a chaotic opportunity to start their season before most others. In my opinion, the pros barely outweigh the cons. But they do. So, what keeps you from indulging?
I get it; having just a single run available to an entire region of salivating enthusiasts has plenty of downfalls (pun intended). Still, they’ve never been enough to keep me away. It all comes down to understanding these downfalls and preparing yourself to navigate them effectively. As such, here are a few tips to help you navigate and survive The White Ribbon of Death:
#1 Expectations
Keep expectations low. Like, really low. If you go into this thinking, “Man, this is going to suck hard,” you might actually have a shot at an experience that exceeds your expectations.
#2 Company
Let’s face it, this will likely be a miserable experience, and misery loves company. So bring a friend. But just one… for the love of God, don’t invite all your friends.
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#3 Headphones
Even though you brought a friend, there is only so much debriefing about the amount of “balls that were tripped during that epic run of String Cheese.” Just make sure to pull the headphones out while on the piste so you can hear the out-of-control snowblader hack cartwheeling before he hits you in the back.
#4 Booze
You might not be able to have the full ski experience but you can still have the full après ski experience. But do save it for après, aka after, the skiing. And no, you’re not “better when you’re drunk.” You suck when you’re sober; you suck worse when you’re drunk. Keep your suck in check on the hill and on the drive home.
#5 Edges
You probably won’t ever ski a more scraped-off run in your life. Those edges might save your ass (literally) — make sure they are sharp.
#6 Self-Preservation
I know you strapped in and jumped on your bed a dozen times this summer, but this is your first day on snow. Stay on the snow and off the ski patrol sled. Fortunately, bones heal in about 8-12 weeks, so if you break yourself now, you’ll probably be good when winter is in full swing.
#7 Timing
Everyone complains about the crowds, yet no one looks around before starting downhill at the same time as 40 others. Wait 30 seconds — literally 30 seconds — for those 40 people to go, and you can likely quadruple the space around you.
#8 Respect
For the amount of rocker, swallowtails, and surfy feel that skiing and snowboarding have bitten off surfing in recent years, there’s one key trend that could stand to see more focus: Respect gets respect. You don’t give it, you don’t get it. Show it to the lifties, the scanners, patrol, and each other. Put this last tip into practice, and you might be pleasantly surprised by just how far it goes.
#9 Chill
Don’t take it too seriously. This is probably your first of many, many ski days, so just chill. You are there because you love skiing/boarding — not because the snow is excellent, so just don’t be all serious about the day.