{"id":929747,"date":"2024-10-25T21:33:39","date_gmt":"2024-10-25T18:33:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=929747"},"modified":"2024-10-25T21:33:39","modified_gmt":"2024-10-25T18:33:39","slug":"erin-fosters-ivf-journey-almost-derailed-nobody-wants-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=929747","title":{"rendered":"Erin Foster\u2019s IVF Journey Almost Derailed Nobody Wants This"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Wellness<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Erin Foster\u2019s IVF Journey Almost Derailed Nobody Wants This<\/em><\/h1>\n<\/div>\n
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The show was inspired by her own love story\u2014then infertility left her too numb to write.<\/div>\n
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By <\/span>Annie Daly <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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Chances are pretty high you\u2019ve binged Erin Foster\u2019s hit show Nobody Wants This<\/em>\u2014more than 10 million people did in just its first four days on Netflix\u2014and are anxiously awaiting season two. But if you haven\u2019t, here\u2019s the gist of the series without spoilers: A chronically single LA-based podcaster named Joanne (played by millennial favorite Kristen Bell) falls for a charming and emotionally available \u201chot rabbi,\u201d Noah (the impossibly charismatic Adam Brody). Chemistry ensues.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s fair to say the series, which is loosely based on Foster\u2019s courtship with her now-husband, music executive Simon Tikhman, struck a chord with the masses. The hit show quickly rose to the #1 spot on Netflix\u2019s coveted Top 10 list, where it stayed for two weeks. And since then, it\u2019s been a full-on Nobody Wants This<\/em> media frenzy, with lots of (well-deserved) think pieces about how Joanne and Noah\u2019s partnership is the<\/em> healthy relationship we needed to see on TV, and whether the show\u2019s female Jewish characters were fairly portrayed, and why Kristen Bell and Adam Brody just may be the ultimate rom-com duo.<\/p>\n

But one narrative has been missing from the conversation: The impact Erin Foster\u2019s difficult fertility journey had on Nobody Wants This<\/em>. The 42-year-old writer, who gave birth to her first daughter, Noa, in May, went through 20 rounds of IVF (20 egg retrievals and five embryo transfers) before she became pregnant\u2026and around half of those rounds took place while she was working on the show. As someone who\u2019s gone through seven rounds myself, with no clear end in sight, I was stunned when I read that she\u2019d managed to create such a smart and relatable series against the incredibly challenging, all-consuming backdrop of IVF. Because make no mistake: IVF is all-consuming. Throughout the first half of this year, I interviewed 30 other women who\u2019ve also struggled with long and winding fertility journeys, and the biggest takeaway message was that IVF treatments can take over your life. The appointments and injections and procedures are completely overwhelming, as are the emotions. The whole thing is soul-crushing. Relentless. And so I wondered: How did Erin do it?<\/em><\/p>\n

The truth is, it wasn\u2019t easy. I sat down with her on Zoom to chat about her journey, and the impact it had on her creative process\u2014including the period when IVF left her too numb to write at all. Read on for Erin\u2019s story, and her advice for others going through it, too.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.<\/em><\/p>\n

Allure<\/em>: A lot of people don\u2019t understand that IVF doesn\u2019t always work right away. That it can take years, as it did for you. Can you take me through your own long journey?<\/strong><\/div>\n

EF<\/strong>: It started when I went to have my eggs checked right after my 34th birthday. I was single for all of my adult life, and I just thought, \u2018It\u2019s weird that I\u2019ve never had an accidental pregnancy.\u2019 After I got checked, I found out I have a really low egg count [also known as a low ovarian reserve]. So I thought, \u2018Well, I guess I should get ahead of this and freeze my eggs.\u2019 But I only got three eggs after my retrieval. Then I did another round about a year later, and only got two eggs. I met my husband [music executive Simon Tikhman] after that, and was gearing up to do a third retrieval before my 36th birthday. He wasn\u2019t ready to do a round with me [where we would freeze embryos] because we\u2019d only been dating for four months, so I did a third round by myself. I got three eggs again, bringing my count to eight eggs total.<\/p>\n

About a year into my relationship with my husband, I told him I really wanted to make embryos so that I could see what we\u2019d get from my eight eggs, since I already had such a low reserve. We did that, but none of the eight eggs worked. We didn\u2019t get any embryos. So I was 36 years old, I had done three rounds of [egg retrievals], and I had nothing. It was expensive, it took a big toll on me physically and emotionally, and I still ended up with nothing. I felt really scared. And this is what people don\u2019t get: Freezing your eggs is not always the solution.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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After that, I just kept going. I ended up doing 20 egg retrievals and five embryo transfers. It finally worked on the 5th transfer. And 20 rounds was just my completed retrieval rounds\u2026there were so many others that got canceled. Maybe I\u2019d ovulated too early, or I\u2019d ovulated too late, or whatever else. I think more or less, in the past six years, there wasn\u2019t a time when I wasn\u2019t doing IVF.<\/p>\n

Allure<\/em>: How did you find it within yourself to keep going?<\/strong><\/div>\n

EF<\/strong>: I\u2019ve said before that IVF is sort of like a gambling addiction: You always think it\u2019s going to work next time. You don\u2019t know how to stop. There were so many times when I said, \u2018That\u2019s it. I\u2019m not doing this anymore. I\u2019m done with this process. F*ck this.\u2019 But then, you know, I just couldn\u2019t help myself. I\u2019d see some sign from the universe. And I\u2019d think, \u2018This is it. This is the time. This is the time it\u2019s going to work.\u2019<\/p>\n

Every cycle is different, so I\u2019d think, \u2018Maybe I\u2019ll just go in [to the fertility clinic] when I get my period, and then I\u2019ll have sex and try naturally.\u2019 But then they\u2019d say [something like], \u2018Oh, you actually already have two follicles that are really big right now that we could take out,\u2019 and I\u2019d say, \u2018Wait, okay, maybe I\u2019ll just take those two out.\u2019 I remember I was about to get on a plane to go to Switzerland for a friend\u2019s wedding, and I went in to check what was happening. And they told me I had two follicles that were ready to go with no medication at all. And I thought, \u2018Okay, this is a sign.\u2019 I did the retrieval two days later, and then got on the plane the day after the procedure to go to Switzerland. I was thinking, it\u2019s fate, you know? There were two follicles just sitting there, without medication. Like magic. But I got a text from my doctor when I was sitting at the wedding: Nope. There was nothing there. [Editor\u2019s note: This means the follicles were empty sacs and there weren\u2019t any eggs inside.]<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I was just getting hit over and over and over again, and at a certain point, I stopped reacting. I became glazed over. Numb. I\u2019d say, \u2018Yup, okay, figured that would happen. Let\u2019s keep it moving.\u2019 I didn\u2019t react to the highs because I didn\u2019t want the lows, and I didn\u2019t want to talk to my friends about it because nobody had the right thing to say. I didn\u2019t know anyone who was going through it to the degree that I was going through it.<\/p>\n

Allure<\/em>: All of this was happening while you were creating Nobody Wants This<\/em>. Did you see your work as a good distraction, or did you find it really difficult to do because of all the emotions and the hormones?<\/strong><\/div>\n

EF<\/strong>: We sold the idea to 20th [Television] before Covid. But then Covid happened, and I hit a wall. I was at my 10th failed retrieval at that point. And the number 10 just stuck out to me so much, you know? And this thing had recently happened to me where my estrogen had plummeted. I\u2019d reacted really badly to Clomid, the pill they sometimes give you early in a cycle [to help your body produce eggs]. Somehow my estrogen got completely depleted from taking it, so I was having crazy hot flashes for six weeks. Every 45 seconds or something, my body would be covered in prickly heat, and I\u2019d be bright red. I would peel my clothes off, and I would feel like I had icicles all over my body of heat.<\/p>\n

It was just stabbing pain. It was so uncomfortable, and I just could not write. I couldn\u2019t work. I couldn\u2019t think. And I kept using Covid as an excuse. But obviously I had nothing but time to write. I just couldn\u2019t focus on anything. I was in a funk. I was mad, and unhappy. I was so sick of IVF.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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There was also a little bit of a gift from the universe because of Covid: I couldn\u2019t go to the fertility doctor as easily as I could before. So I was able to not think about it for a while. But even then, I was still thinking about it; I secretly thought not thinking about it would be the answer. I was thinking about not thinking about it. I was like, the universe doesn\u2019t know I\u2019m really thinking about a baby right now. And so it took a long time for me to write the show, mostly because I was really in a funk over IVF. I just could not focus. And I\u2019d started to turn my attention to other places. I started cooking a lot\u2026trying to inject joy into my life that wasn\u2019t about fertility stuff.<\/p>\n

Then, once I did finish writing, Netflix immediately said, we love the show. I\u2019d written it for myself to star in, but they said: We would rather have Kristen Bell. The first time I met her was on a Zoom when I was in New York, and she said, \u2018I don\u2019t want to take this role from you.\u2019 And I was like, \u2018Well first of all, no one is offering it to me. And second of all, the truth is I want to be pregnant. I want to be a mom. That\u2019s actually what I want. And I don\u2019t want to be in a hair and makeup trailer at 5 AM. That\u2019s not where I’m at in my life. I’m 40 years old. I\u2019m doing IVF. This wouldn\u2019t really work.\u2019 So it all worked out perfectly anyway.<\/p>\n

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Kristen Bell (left) as Joanne and Adam Brody (right) as \u201chot rabbi\u201d Noah in Nobody Wants This<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Courtesy of Netflix<\/span><\/div>\n<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I ended up getting pregnant during the [Writers Guild of America] strike. By the time we got back to the writer\u2019s room, I was really sick\u2014throwing up in my trash can at the office. And then I was pregnant the whole time we were shooting, which was honestly the greatest distraction ever because it got my mind off of it. I didn\u2019t have to sit there for nine months thinking [even more] about what could go wrong\u2026I was already doing that anyway. One time I was in Nashville and I stopped feeling nauseous for a couple hours, and I panicked and booked a flight home to go see my doctor and ask: Why did I stop feeling nauseous? Is something wrong?<\/p>\n

Allure<\/em>: I did similar things after all my embryo transfers. It\u2019s crazy-making. While we\u2019re talking about your pregnancy, I read that you ended up choosing to have an unmedicated birth at home in the end. Can you tell me more about why you wanted to have that experience after IVF?<\/strong><\/div>\n

EF:<\/strong> I shut off during IVF. I was constantly pumping synthetic hormones into my body, and I felt really disconnected from it [as a result]. I hated my body. It wasn\u2019t doing what I wanted it to do. And that really pissed me off. I didn\u2019t want to take care of it, you know? I was like, you don\u2019t take care of me, so I don\u2019t want to take care of you. I was very disconnected so that I could function. And then, when I finally got pregnant, every stage of my pregnancy was like magic. I just couldn\u2019t believe my body was actually pulling this off. And I wanted to feel the birth. I wanted to experience it.<\/p>\n

Throughout IVF, I had no say in the process. No control. I didn\u2019t get pregnant the way I wanted to. So I thought: This is the one thing I can try to have on my terms. My way. Everybody said it was the worst idea, which only made me want to do it more. I said: You don\u2019t understand what it\u2019s like. You don\u2019t understand that I haven\u2019t had the experiences other people have had, where you\u2019re surprised that you\u2019re pregnant or you don\u2019t have to think about it as much. We don\u2019t get to have those sort of intrinsically primal experiences. So I just thought: The most insane one is the one that I want to really experience.<\/p>\n

Allure<\/em>: And how was it?<\/strong><\/div>\n

EF: It was extremely painful and very hard\u2026the most insane thing I\u2019ve ever done in my life. But it all went fine. I had a 100% non-complicated birth.<\/p>\n

Allure<\/em>: Congratulations again to both you and Simon! How did all of the IVF impact your relationship?<\/strong><\/div>\n

EF<\/strong>: Honestly, it strengthened our relationship. I\u2019m really lucky\u2026I have a wonderful partner who is super tapped into my experience on this planet and what I\u2019m going through. Every time I was doing anything\u2014the night before a retrieval, for example\u2014he\u2019d say: \u2018You\u2019re the strongest person I know, and I can\u2019t believe you\u2019re going through this. I\u2019m so impressed with you.\u2019 That made me feel like I never had to have the argument of: \u2018Look what I\u2019m having to go through. You don\u2019t understand.\u2019 He was always just really, really there, so I think it strengthened our relationship\u2014because we both wanted it equally. We got excited about the tiniest things together, and disappointed at the same time. I remember lying in bed together watching TV one time when I was hoping I was pregnant [after an embryo transfer], and we got the call that I wasn\u2019t. We just looked at each other and he was like, \u2018Do you want to talk about it or just put the show back on?\u2019 And I was like, \u2018Just put the show back on. I don’t want to talk. Let’s just watch TV.\u2019 It was like, what is there to even say? At a certain point, what can you say? Literally, what can you say?<\/p>\n

Allure<\/em>: I deeply relate to that. What advice do you have for others going through it?<\/strong><\/div>\n

EF<\/strong>: Have a conversation with the people in your life, and tell them what you don’t want them to say to you. People don\u2019t realize that going through IVF tests your humanity. It tests your patience with other people, because people say really dumb sh*t when they\u2019ve never been through it. I was trying to get pregnant for a long time, and people would say: \u2018Have you gone on vacation? Have you stopped thinking about it? It\u2019s going to happen as soon as you stop thinking about it.\u2019 And I know that people mean well, but what they need to understand is that when you give any suggestion, you\u2019re actually blaming us for why it\u2019s not happening. When you say, \u2018Have you gone on this diet? Have you read this book? Have you tried this smoothie?\u2019 you\u2019re saying that something we\u2019re doing is preventing pregnancy from happening. And that\u2019s already how we feel. We\u2019re already blaming ourselves. We\u2019re already thinking things like, \u2018Oh sh*t, I had that glass of wine. Maybe I shouldn\u2019t have had that. Maybe I\u2019m not as healthy as I should be.\u2019<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to give people some insight\u2014because they are saying the wrong thing all the time, and it’s not their intention. [I found it helpful] to say to people: \u2018When I have a disappointment, I just want you to gossip with me about something else. I don\u2019t want you to look at me with a sad face, and I don\u2019t want you to ask me about the details. If I go to a doctor\u2019s appointment, I don\u2019t want you to ask me what happened. I\u2019ll let you know when I\u2019m pregnant. You don\u2019t need to know every single time a follicle grows two millimeters.\u2019 It\u2019s really about protecting yourself with the people around you, and making sure you\u2019re teaching people how to support you the right way.<\/p>\n

My other advice to people who are going through it\u2014yourself included\u2014is that there will likely be a point where you have to be open to how to become a mom in a way you didn\u2019t want to. At some point, you may have to say: I\u2019m ready to do the thing that I didn\u2019t want to do, whatever it is for that person. Maybe it\u2019s more IVF than you wanted to do. Maybe it\u2019s a surrogate. Maybe it\u2019s an egg donor or a sperm donor. At one point, I took pressure off myself and started wondering: Should I use my sister\u2019s eggs? What would that look like? There are so many different options. But I can say this: Once you become a mom, you really don\u2019t care how you got there. You love the baby you have so much that it makes it easier to remember what you went through. Because you\u2019re like: If it had worked any other time, it wouldn\u2019t be this baby. And now I only want this baby. This was the baby I was meant to have.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Foster\u2019s clothing brand Favorite Daughter and CCRM Fertility just launched a limited-edition t-shirt printed with “IVF, Baby” for $48, available for pre-order at shopfavoritedaughter.com. 100% of the proceeds go towards RESOLVE: the National Infertility Association<\/em>, an organization dedicated to those struggling with infertility.<\/p>\n

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Read about more women’s journey through IVF.<\/strong><\/p>\n

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  • 30 Women Share Unspoken Realities of IVF<\/li>\n
  • My IVF Experience Didn\u2019t End With a Baby<\/li>\n
  • Jennifer Aniston Opens Up About IVF and Fertility Struggles<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
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    Now watch a video about a dancer’s experience with psoriasis.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Follow Allure on Instagram and TikTok.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n

    Source URL: https:\/\/www.allure.com\/story\/erin-foster-ivf-journey<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Wellness Erin Foster\u2019s IVF Journey Almost Derailed Nobody Wants This The show was inspired by her own love story\u2014then infertility left her too numb to write. By Annie Daly October 25, 2024 Getty Images Chances are pretty high you\u2019ve binged Erin Foster\u2019s hit show Nobody Wants This\u2014more than 10 million people did in just its […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":929748,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[52],"class_list":["post-929747","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics","tag-allure-com"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/929747","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=929747"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/929747\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/929748"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=929747"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=929747"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=929747"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}