{"id":929490,"date":"2025-08-25T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-08-25T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=929490"},"modified":"2025-08-25T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2025-08-25T09:00:00","slug":"the-robots-are-here-to-fix-your-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=929490","title":{"rendered":"The Robots Are Here to Fix Your Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Doing It<\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

The Robots Are Here to Fix Your Relationships<\/h1>\n<\/div>\n
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Couples are using (and loving) AI-powered apps for everything from conversation starters to sex tips. Therapists are less convinced they can replace the human touch.<\/div>\n
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By <\/span>Varuna Srinivasan<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n

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Collage: Allure; Source images: Getty Images<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/header>\n<\/div>\n
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Welcome to<\/em>Doing It<\/strong>, a column where sex educator Varuna Srinivasan explores the deep connections between sex and emotions. This month, they explore how couples are using AI-powered apps in their relationships. Have a question or story idea for Dr. Srinivasan? Submit it here.<\/em><\/p>\n

When I was in college and scared to break up with someone I was only dating for a couple of months, my girlfriend came over to help me draft the perfect breakup text. We sat on my bed, giggling and cringing at the various drafts before I hit send on a message we both agreed perfectly encapsulated the \u201cit\u2019s not you, it\u2019s me\u201d feeling I wanted to get across.<\/p>\n

Today, an AI chatbot called \u201cAI4Chat Break Up Text Generator,\u201d marketed as a personal assistant that helps people navigate difficult conversations, can do that for you. In addition to helping you break up with someone, AI can help you sext and create an AI girlfriend companion that you might one day want to propose to (turns out the movie Her<\/em> could have been a documentary if they waited a few years).<\/p>\n

In the 21st century, the use of AI to manage any aspect of one\u2019s love life is becoming a popular option. Some reports find that growing numbers of Gen Zers (especially 18-26 year olds) are relying heavily on AI enabled apps to find love, plan dates, and get relationship advice.<\/p>\n

For some, these tools aren\u2019t only useful for the beginning or ending of relationships. Ishani and her partner of 10 years are part of this new generation of couples using AI to improve their existing relationship.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have never gone for couples therapy but we tried Paired before exclusively moving over to Agap\u00e9,\u201d Ishani says. Paired and Agap\u00e9 are both apps meant to be used by couples seeking to improve their relationships: Agape focuses on having couples reflect on one question together everyday; Paired is more of a coaching tool which includes quizzes, and relationship advice from experts.<\/p>\n

The 25-year-old from Canada was in search of a way to stay connected with her long distance partner when she came across these apps on Instagram. \u201cI love words of affirmation but my partner is avoidant and giving compliments doesn\u2019t come easily to him,\u201d Ishani says. \u201cThese apps help us bridge that gap and communicate better.\u201d Plus, since they\u2019re long distance, it gives them something to talk about on the phone.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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In a typical user journey, both couples need to download the Agap\u00e9 mobile app to sync with each other\u2019s profiles after which they\u2019re automatically assigned one question a day. \u201cLife gets busy, but we try to answer the question by the end of the day,\u201d Ishani says. \u201cWe usually end up talking about [our answers] when we call the other person to say goodnight.\u201d If they don\u2019t have time to chat it out over the phone, the couple can answer the questions in the app and leave notes in each other\u2019s comment sections. The ultimate goal of the app, Agap\u00e9 says on their website, is for couples to \u201dboth feel and show love.\u201d<\/p>\n

With regular user input, the company says the questions become more specific to each couple, thanks to a \u201ccomplex machine learning algorithm.\u201d Those personalized questions are a big reason Ishani continues to use Agap\u00e9. When they don\u2019t want to answer the daily assigned question, they can pick from a different \u201cdeck\u201d related to communication, family, and finances.<\/p>\n

Then there are other apps, like Arya, that have created an AI powered intimacy concierge to help couples improve their sexual intimacy. The founder of this app, Offer Yehudai, is a serial entrepreneur with a background in advertising and technology who says he saw a massive gap in the market when it came to relationships and intimacy.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmericans are spending billions investing in their personal wellness. But when I looked for something to help couples invest in their relationships? Nothing.\u201d Offer says. \u201cThat’s when I knew we had to create Arya\u2014to bring that same tech-enabled approach to intimacy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Walking me through the app, Offer explains that when a user downloads Arya onto their phone, the AI powered \u201cintimacy concierge” has you answer a couple of questions before categorizing people into one of four \u201cErotic Personas.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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This set of personas was developed by an in-house research team, which is led by Nicholas Velotta, a PhD student at the University of Washington and Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at University of Washington, after interviewing more than 50,000 couples.<\/p>\n

The app\u2019s AI intimacy concierge is trained to curate experiences based on these personas, providing options for virtual experiences through the form of guided techniques, audio erotica experiences and aftercare meditations, as well in person experiences through discreetly delivered packages containing various toys, bondage related materials, and intimacy exercises.<\/p>\n

To be clear, none of the apps in this story should be taken as a replacement for couples\u2019 therapy\u2014and none of them claim to be. Rather, they\u2019re marketed as a complementary AI chat bot tools developed with the help of human relationship therapists.<\/p>\n

For example, when conversations with the Arya AI intimacy concierge start to become more emotionally charged (for example, if the user says \u201cwhy am I feeling so disconnected lately\u201d or \u201chow do I talk to my partner about this\u201d) the user is immediately transferred to their concierge team.<\/p>\n

The team is made up of five on-call certified sex therapists, sex educators, relationship psychologists, and relationship scientists, with oversight from Shan Boodram and Prof. Pepper Schwartz. Offer explains that once members sign up, they\u2019re assigned their own concierge who reaches out within a day. He goes on to clarify that communication only happens over text or web-app, not video, noting that they\u2019ve \u201cfound that’s the preferred and easiest way members like to interact.\u201d<\/p>\n

Israa Nasir, a licensed therapist and author of Toxic Productivity<\/em>, showcases some of the easy ways we can use AI to be more productive when it comes to our relationships. \u201cAI apps like this can help people learn emotional language and increase emotional literacy as well as [help users identify] topics to bring to your IRL therapist to discuss.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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But while she sees the upside, she shares some concerns about the objectivity of AI. \u201cAI will only provide information based on what you feed it, and there is a risk that the model you\u2019re talking to may not be as attuned to differences in the human experience, because of inherent biases in the way the AI model is built,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n

When asked if AI can replace therapy, Shadeen Francis, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says it\u2019s unlikely\u2014plus, she worries about the harm certain AI apps can do by encouraging people to isolate and disconnect even more. \u201cTherapists also get to know their clients, track patterns of behavior, and support them in reaching their goals,\u201d Francis says. \u201cHowever, part of their role is also to compassionately challenge their clients and help them grow.\u201d Francis goes on to add that many AI models learn from every user interaction, which is then used to make up new data with the goal of pleasing the user, which is a big ethical concern.<\/p>\n

Even though many apps aren\u2019t directly marketed as a therapy replacement (though there are exceptions, like Abby, which is actually meant to be an AI therapist), people are using them to replace visits with a human therapist. I\u2019ve seen several videos promoting Entries AI, an AI journal to help people process their feelings, and suggesting followers can use the tool \u201cif they can\u2019t afford therapy.” A subreddit called r\/therapyGPT has 11,000 members, and there are plenty of videos training people how to use the LLM for therapy too.<\/p>\n