{"id":707254,"date":"2025-11-18T18:27:15","date_gmt":"2025-11-18T15:27:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=707254"},"modified":"2025-11-18T18:27:15","modified_gmt":"2025-11-18T15:27:15","slug":"love-is-not-embarrassing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=707254","title":{"rendered":"Love is not embarrassing"},"content":{"rendered":"<article class=\"main-article standard \">\n<div class=\"article-main-content article-wrapper has-media-but-its-an-image\" data-status=\"loaded\" data-primary-article=\"true\" data-url=\"\/life-culture\/article\/69097\/1\/love-is-not-embarrassing-boyfriend-vogue-social-media-posting-instagram\" data-article-id=\"69097\">\n<header class=\"article-header has-landscape-image no-media\">\n<div class=\"wrapper dg-max-width\">\n<div class=\"inner\">\n<figure class=\"main-img has-figcaption\" data-img-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\" data-img-aspect-ratio=\"1.9\" data-template=\"Standard Article\"><span class=\"has-css-custom-props image-container\" data-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\"><span class=\"preserve-aspect-ratio\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Ten-Things-I-Hate-About-You (1) copy\" class=\"img\" height=\"630\" src=\"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/1430939-1.jpg\" width=\"1200\" title=\"1430939-1\"><\/span><\/span><figcaption class=\"img-caption\"><span class=\"inner\"><span class=\"credit\">10 Things I Hate <span class=\"nowrap\">About You<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<aside class=\"meta\">\n<div class=\"inner\"><span class=\"month\">November<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"day\" data-day=\"18\">18,<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"year\">2025<\/span><\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<div class=\"titles\">\n<div class=\"tags\">\n<div class=\"sections\"><a class=\"category vertical - life-culture\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a><a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/opinion\">Opinion<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<h1 class=\"title\"><span>Love is <span class=\"nowrap\">not embarrassing<\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n<div class=\"standfirst\">\n<h2>A recent viral Vogue article suggested that straight women aren\u2019t posting their partners on social media anymore because it\u2019s \u2018embarrassing\u2019. But why are we letting strangers\u2019 opinions govern our <span class=\"nowrap\">love lives?<\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<p><span class=\"month\">November<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"day\" data-day=\"18\">18,<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"year\">2025<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"tags\">\n<div class=\"sections\"><a class=\"category vertical - life-culture\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a><a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/opinion\">Opinion<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"providers\">\n<div class=\"contributors\"><span class=\"contributor\" data-contributor-role=\"Text\"><span class=\"contributor-role\">Text<\/span><a class=\"contributor-name\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/user\/SerenaSmith\">Serena Smith<\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/header>\n<div class=\"article-body-container\">\n<aside class=\"primary\">\n<div class=\"sticky bottom\">\n<div class=\"read-more\"><span class=\"read-more-header\">Read More<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"read-more-items\">\n<div class=\"read-more-item vertical-life-culture\">\n<div class=\"read-more-item-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/68795\/1\/is-inconvenience-the-cost-of-community-friendship-relationships-loneliness\" class=\"article-list-item-image\"><span class=\"image-container\" data-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\"><span class=\"preserve-aspect-ratio\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"everything_i_know_about_love\" class=\"img\" src=\"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/1425831-7.jpg\" title=\"1425831-7\"><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"read-more-item-content\"><a class=\"category\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/68795\/1\/is-inconvenience-the-cost-of-community-friendship-relationships-loneliness\"><span class=\"title\">Is inconvenience the cost of community?<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"read-more-item vertical-life-culture\">\n<div class=\"read-more-item-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/68183\/1\/in-attack-of-positive-masculinity-misogyny-andrew-tate-adolescence\" class=\"article-list-item-image\"><span class=\"image-container\" data-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\"><span class=\"preserve-aspect-ratio\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"4K9W5BA_adolescence_jpg\" class=\"img\" src=\"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/1416579-1.jpg\" title=\"1416579-1\"><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"read-more-item-content\"><a class=\"category\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/68183\/1\/in-attack-of-positive-masculinity-misogyny-andrew-tate-adolescence\"><span class=\"title\">The problem with \u2018positive masculinity\u2019<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"read-more-item vertical-life-culture\">\n<div class=\"read-more-item-link\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/69057\/1\/chris-kraus-dazed-syllabus-culture-read-watch-do\" class=\"article-list-item-image\"><span class=\"image-container\" data-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\"><span class=\"preserve-aspect-ratio\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Editorial 6 Grid\" class=\"img\" src=\"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/1430821-2.jpg\" title=\"1430821-2\"><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<div class=\"read-more-item-content\"><a class=\"category\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/69057\/1\/chris-kraus-dazed-syllabus-culture-read-watch-do\"><span class=\"title\">Chris Kraus selects: What to do, read and watch this month<\/span><\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<div class=\"article-body wrapper\">\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>A few weeks back, <\/span><em><span>Vogue <\/span><\/em><span>published an article titled <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vogue.co.uk\/article\/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now\">\u2018Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?\u2019.<\/a> In the piece, writer Chant\u00e9 Joseph argues that in recent years being single has become \u201cmore of a flex\u201d than being in a relationship. \u201c<\/span><span>Women don\u2019t want to be seen as being all about their man,\u201d she writes. \u201cAudiences are icked out by seeing too much boyfriend content.\u201d <\/span><span>Almost overnight, it went viral. <\/span><em><span>Viral<\/span><\/em><span> viral. Innumerable thinkpieces have been written in response to the piece, published everywhere from <\/span><em><span>The Guardian<\/span><\/em><span> to <\/span><em><span>Grazia<\/span><\/em><span>. TikTok has been flooded with creators offering their two pence on the topic. Even New York\u2019s incoming mayor and man of the moment, Zohran Mamdani, was <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.buzzfeed.com\/elysewanshel1\/zohran-mamdani-dating-advice-women-boyfriends\"><span>asked for his take on the debate<\/span><\/a><span> on a popular podcast.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>On the one hand, feeling sheepish about being attracted to men is nothing new. <\/span><span>M<\/span><span>any men are disappointing, disrespectful, and do embarrass their female partners. Women <\/span><em><span>shouldn\u2019t<\/span><\/em><span> be the ones to take on the shame that should be felt by their terrible boyfriends, of course, but they often do it anyway. Asa Seresin made similar points in his seminal essay \u2018On Heteropessimism\u2019, published all the way back in 2019. \u201c<\/span><span>Heteropessimism consists of performative disaffiliations with heterosexuality, usually expressed in the form of regret, embarrassment, or hopelessness about straight experience,\u201d he wrote. As the heterosexual dating landscape has failed to improve \u2013 or, as I\u2019m sure some would argue, gotten worse \u2013 it\u2019s no surprise that straight women are still feeling \u2018embarrassed\u2019 by their straightness.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html-embed\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>What is striking about the <\/span><em><span>Vogue<\/span><\/em><span> article, though, is that it reveals the extent to which embarrassment now governs our lives. Everybody feels perceived. Nobody wants to look gauche. It\u2019s an attitude that has been catalysed by social media and the subsequent rise of surveillance culture, with many of us offering up our private lives for public consumption and self-censoring in order to pander to our \u2018audiences\u2019, even if we\u2019re not traditional influencers ourselves. Apparently, we\u2019re now at a stage where young women, influencers or not, are more concerned with maintaining a coherent personal brand \u2013 often cool, aloof, and cynical \u2013 than being openly sincere about being in love.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>To be fair, I don\u2019t think how (or if) you present your relationship on social media necessarily says much about the quality of your relationship. Many people simply can\u2019t be bothered with posting on social media. Others may, understandably, prefer to keep their romantic relationships private; as Joseph mentions in her piece, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/66581\/1\/can-you-really-jinx-a-relationship\"><span>many people worry that posting about a relationship can jinx things<\/span><\/a><span>. But the idea that significant numbers of women let fear of embarrassment influence how they conduct their relationships is deeply disturbing (equally disturbing is the fact that some people care so much about how others \u2013 in some cases strangers \u2013 conduct their relationships).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>I can see why an influencer might take pains to portray their relationship (or lack thereof) in a certain way on social media (this is artificial and dystopian, but influencers in general are artificial and dystopian). Florence Given, for example, has built an entire career on embracing singledom. But why should a normal person care what their audience thinks? As James Greig argued in a Dazed article published earlier this year, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/68349\/1\/everyone-is-a-content-creator-now-influencers-social-media-instagram\">everyone is a content creator now<\/a>: \u201cMaybe we\u2018ve just been watching [influencer] content for so long that we\u2019ve started to see it as the normal way to behave,\u201d he wrote. But it isn\u2019t normal to worry about what your \u2018audience\u2019 will think about your boyfriend. It isn\u2019t normal to think of being single as a \u201cflex\u201d (nor, for the record, is it normal to think of being in a relationship as a \u201cflex\u201d). Relationships aren\u2019t identity markers. They\u2019re bonds forged and cultivated between two real people. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<blockquote>\n<p><span>It isn\u2019t normal to think of being single as a \u201cflex\u201d (nor, for the record, is it normal to think of being in a relationship as a \u201cflex\u201d). Relationships aren\u2019t identity markers. They\u2019re bonds forged and cultivated between two real people<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>And these bonds are the only things that matter: <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/ideas\/archive\/2023\/01\/harvard-happiness-study-relationships\/672753\/\"><span>the longest ever study on happiness<\/span><\/a><span>, conducted by researchers at <\/span><span>Harvard University, found that <\/span><span>strong social bonds are the single most important predictor of happiness and health<\/span><span>, more so than wealth or career success. <\/span><em><span>Of course<\/span><\/em><span>, these don\u2019t have to be romantic bonds \u2013 they can be platonic, too. But if you do have a good romantic partner \u2013 someone who supports you, cares for you, <\/span><em><span>loves<\/span><\/em><span> you \u2013 why would you ever feel ashamed of them? If you\u2019re lucky enough to experience the miracle of being in love with somebody, why would you care about something as arbitrary as a stranger\u2019s opinion of your relationship? (On the flipside: if you have a <\/span><em><span>bad<\/span><\/em><span> romantic partner, and they make you feel ashamed, why don\u2019t you\u2026 break up?)<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>One thing that gives me hope is that it\u2019s unclear how widespread this attitude is. Joseph writes about straight women preferring to \u2018soft-launch\u2019 partners nowadays \u2013 \u201ca hand on a steering wheel, clinking glasses at dinner, or the back of someone\u2019s head\u201d \u2013 and this is something I\u2019ve seen, sure. But then she writes: \u201cOn the more confusing end, you have faces blurred out of wedding pictures or entire professionally edited videos with the fianc\u00e9 conveniently cropped out of all shots.\u201d Which made me think: <\/span><em><span>really<\/span><\/em><span>? Are people really going to such heartless lengths to\u2026 <\/span><em><span>maintain a social media persona<\/span><\/em><span>? I don\u2019t doubt that Joseph is drawing on examples she\u2019s seen on her own social media feeds. Perhaps I should just be thankful that, for now, my corner of the internet doesn\u2019t look quite the same.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<footer class=\"article-footer\">\n<div class=\"wrapper\">\n<div class=\"article-series\">\n<h4 class=\"heading\">More on these topics<\/h4>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"article-series\"><a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a><a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/opinion\">Opinion<\/a><a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/tag\/love\">love<\/a><a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/tag\/relationships\">Relationships<\/a><a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/tag\/sex\">Sex<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/footer>\n<div class=\"grid\">\n<div class=\"lava-lamp\">\n<div class=\"lava-lamp-text-container\">\n<h3 class=\"lava-lamp-subheading\">Expand your creative community and connect with 15,000 creatives from around 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Mindy Seu says yes<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/a><a class=\"card-latest\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/69041\/1\/miss-piggy-diva-fashion-icon-feminist-pioneer-emma-stone-jennifer-lawrence\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"card-latest__img-wrapper\"><span class=\"image-container\" data-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\"><span class=\"preserve-aspect-ratio\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"GettyImages-1246511393\" src=\"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/1430432-14.jpg\" title=\"1430432-14\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"card-latest__content\">\n<h3 class=\"card-latest__title\">Miss Piggy: Diva, fashion icon and feminist pioneer<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/a><a class=\"card-latest\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/69033\/1\/dazed-studio-takes-home-several-prizes-at-the-2025-lovie-awards\"><\/p>\n<div class=\"card-latest__img-wrapper\"><span class=\"image-container\" data-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\"><span class=\"preserve-aspect-ratio\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Editorial Cropped\" src=\"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/1430280-16.jpg\" title=\"1430280-16\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<div class=\"card-latest__content\">\n<h3 class=\"card-latest__title\">Dazed Studio takes home several prizes at the 2025 Lovie Awards<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<p> Source URL: https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/69097\/1\/love-is-not-embarrassing-boyfriend-vogue-social-media-posting-instagram<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>10 Things I Hate About You November\u00a0 18,\u00a0 2025 Life &amp; CultureOpinion Love is not embarrassing A recent viral Vogue article suggested that straight women aren\u2019t posting their partners on social media anymore because it\u2019s \u2018embarrassing\u2019. But why are we letting strangers\u2019 opinions govern our love lives? November\u00a0 18,\u00a0 2025 Life &amp; CultureOpinion TextSerena Smith [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":707255,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[76],"class_list":["post-707254","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics","tag-dazeddigital-com"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707254","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=707254"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707254\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/707255"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=707254"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=707254"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=707254"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}