{"id":2142592,"date":"2026-09-08T03:59:30","date_gmt":"2026-09-08T00:59:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=2142592"},"modified":"2026-09-08T03:59:30","modified_gmt":"2026-09-08T00:59:30","slug":"cockteilcu-amor-umor-si-poezie-zambete-in-sutana","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=2142592","title":{"rendered":"Cockteil\u2026cu amor, umor \u0219i poezie. Z\u00e2mbete \u00een sutan\u0103"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\u201eN-ar \u0219ti nimeni c\u0103 m-am dus,\/Numa\u2019 m-or vedea c\u0103 nu-s.\/Sus e cerul, larg\u0103-i lumea,\/Bine ca-nfrunzit p\u0103durea(\u2026)\u201d<\/em> (Doru St\u0103nculescu)<\/p>\n

Povestea muzicu\u021bei lui Doru.<\/em> Doru St\u0103nculescu (1950 \u2013 2021), fratele Mihaelei Mihai, a fost un idol pentru genera\u021bii de tineri r\u0103zvr\u0103ti\u021bi. A fost membru fondator al \u201eCenaclului Flac\u0103ra\u201d, la care a participat p\u00e2n\u0103 la desfiin\u021barea acestuia. Sunt binecunoscute c\u00e2ntecele sale, \u00eentre care \u201eAi, hai\u201d, \u201eEcou de roman\u021b\u0103\u201d, \u201eF\u0103r\u0103 petale\u201d. \u201eAi, hai\u201d (\u201ePe sub flori m\u0103 leg\u0103nai\u201d) se prezint\u0103 sub forma unei pove\u0219ti \u00een care personajele principale sunt Doru St\u0103nculescu \u0219i o muzicu\u021b\u0103 ajuns\u0103 \u00een Rom\u00e2nia \u00een 1970\u2026 din America: O zi frumoas\u0103 de iunie\u2026 Doru St\u0103nculescu tocmai d\u0103duse \u201ebacul\u201d; \u00eempreun\u0103 cu Dan Chebac (alt folkist, care a p\u0103r\u0103sit Rom\u00e2nia \u0219i s-a stabilit, c\u0103tre sf\u00e2r\u0219itul anilor \u201870 ai secolului trecut, \u00een Germania), a ajuns la fostul patinoar (artificial) \u201e23 August\u201d, unde auzise c\u0103 sus\u021bine un concert trupa american\u0103 \u201eBlood, Sweat & Tears\u201d (\u201eS\u00e2nge, Sudoare \u0219i Lacrimi\u201d) \u2013 necunoscut\u0103 pentru ei, p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een acea clip\u0103. \u201eLa finalul concertului, \u00ee\u0219i aminte\u0219te Doru \u2013 arti\u0219tii \u0219i-au aruncat instrumentele \u00een public. Era vorba de be\u021bele de la tobe, un gong, o tamburin\u0103\u2026 \u00cen timpul concertului, \u00eel v\u0103zusem pe solistul vocal c\u00e2nt\u00e2nd la un instrument care sem\u0103na cu o muzicu\u021b\u0103. Ei bine, o voiam eu. Dac\u0103 tot \u00ee\u0219i aruncaser\u0103 ei din instrumente \u00een public, am pus ochii pe acea muzicu\u021b\u0103. A\u0219a c\u0103 am luat-o de-a dreptul prin patinoar (f\u0103cusem hochei de performan\u021b\u0103 la 12 ani), am ajuns \u00een culise. L-am g\u0103sit pe solist, pe Steve Katz, i-am cerut muzicu\u021ba. Eu nu \u0219tiam englez\u0103, pentru c\u0103 \u00een \u0219coal\u0103 f\u0103cusem doar rus\u0103 \u0219i francez\u0103, dar \u0219tia Dan \u0219i i-a explicat el ce voiam. Mi-a adus-o. L-am v\u0103zut c\u00e2nd a luat-o dintr-un recipient ciudat\u2026C\u00e2nd a ajuns \u00een m\u00e2inile mele, mi-am dat seama \u00een ce era \u021binut\u0103. \u00centr-o sond\u0103 cu whisky.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 \u201dSalade de fruits, jolie, jolie\u201d (Bourvil). <\/em>Un m\u0103r \u0219i o par\u0103 care vor s\u0103 se c\u0103s\u0103toreasc\u0103 merg la preot \u0219i \u00eei dau vestea. \u00cen ziua nun\u021bii, preotul \u00eentreab\u0103: \u201eVrei, m\u0103rule, s\u0103 te c\u0103s\u0103tore\u0219ti cu o par\u0103?\u201d \u0218i el spune: \u201eDa\u201d, iar preotul spune din nou: \u201eVrei, par\u0103, s\u0103 te c\u0103s\u0103tore\u0219ti cu un m\u0103r?\u201d \u0218i para spune: \u201eDa\u201d, iar preotul: \u201e Ce s\u0103 mai zic\u2026V\u0103 doresc s\u0103 deveni\u021bi o gustoas\u0103 salat\u0103 de fructe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 Baba Novac. <\/em>C\u00e2nd turcii au cucerit Oltenia, trec\u00e2nd Dun\u0103rea, au r\u0103pit \u0219i violat toate fetele dintr-un sat. Seara, \u00een jurul focului de tab\u0103r\u0103, se l\u0103uda fiecare cu ispr\u0103vile lui\u2026 Dar un turc mai slab, sfrijit, se pl\u00e2nge Pa\u0219ei: \u2013 M\u0103rite st\u0103p\u00e2ne, \u00een satul \u0103sta mai exist\u0103 o bab\u0103 care este \u00eenc\u0103 virgin\u0103! N-am izbutit s-o viol\u0103m! \u2013 Bine, plec\u0103m acum cu to\u021bii spre ea, zice Pa\u0219a. Se duc la casa babei, dar ea \u00eei arunc\u0103 prin geam, prin u\u0219\u0103 (ca \u00een filmele cu Rambo, de pild\u0103, imagina\u021bi-v\u0103). Apoi iese pe prisp\u0103 \u0219i spune: \u2013 \u00cenc\u0103 nu s-a n\u0103scut turcul care s-o violeze pe Baba Novac! Iat\u0103 un text patriotic exemplar!<\/p>\n

\u20f0 Z\u00e2mbete \u00een sutan\u0103.<\/em> M\u0103t\u0103nii. Vine o tip\u0103 la un pop\u0103 \u0219i \u00eei spune: \u2013 P\u0103rinte, \u0219titi, am p\u0103c\u0103tuit, am f\u0103cut \u0219i eu cu b\u0103rbatu\u2019, cum se face acuma, \u0219ti\u021bi, sex anal. Popa: \u2013 Zece m\u0103t\u0103nii, repede! Tipa le face \u0219i continu\u0103: \u2013 P\u0103rinte, asta nu e tot, am facut \u0219i sex normal cu amantu\u2019 meu. Popa: \u2013 Cincizeci de m\u0103t\u0103nii ! Tipa le face \u0219i continu\u0103: \u2013 Dar p\u0103rinte, am f\u0103cut \u0219i sex oral cu b\u0103rbatu\u2019 meu. Popa caut\u0103 la catastife, \u0219i neg\u0103sind nimic, \u00eel sun\u0103 pe cardinal: Domnule Cardinal, am aici pe una care a f\u0103cut sex oral, ce s\u0103-i dau? Cardinalul: \u2013 Descurc\u0103-te \u0219i tu, eu am dat cinzeci de euro.<\/p>\n

Ho\u021b \u0219i ho\u021bie.<\/em> La nunta \u2013 luxoas\u0103 \u2013 a unui cuplu format din dou\u0103 persoane importante, membri ai unor partide asociate la guvernare, t\u00e2n\u0103rul preot oficiant, timid, se b\u00e2lb\u00e2ie \u0219i spune: \u201dV\u0103 declar, pe veci, ho\u021b \u0219i ho\u021bie!\u201d. P.S. Nu \u0219tiu sigur, dar se pare c\u0103 preotul respectiv a fost transferat de la Snagov la Co\u021bu\u0219ca (jud. Boto\u0219ani).<\/p>\n

Coarne.<\/em> \u201eP\u0103rinte, so\u021bia mea \u021bi s-a spovedit ieri. M\u0103 \u00een\u0219al\u0103, oare?\u201d \u201e\u0102sta e secretul spovedaniei. Calmeaz\u0103-te \u0219i du-te \u00een pace, cerbul meu drag!\u201d<\/p>\n

P\u0103cate.<\/em> \u2013 P\u0103rinte, spovede\u0219te-m\u0103. Asear\u0103 l-am masturbat pe so\u021bul meu! \u2013 Femeie, spune de trei ori Tat\u0103l Nostru \u0219i apoi spal\u0103-te pe m\u00e2ini la r\u0103s\u0103ritul soarelui \u00een apa izvorului din p\u0103dure! So\u021bul: \u2013 Unde ai fost, M\u0103rie? \u2013 La izvor, s\u0103 m\u0103 sp\u0103l pe m\u00e2ini de p\u0103cat. \u2013 \u0218i cu cine te-ai mai \u00eent\u00e2lnit acolo? \u2013 Cu preoteasa, f\u0103cea gargar\u0103\u2026<\/p>\n

Diferen\u021b\u0103.<\/em> B\u0103ie\u021bii se g\u00e2ndesc mereu la sex. Dar fetele sunt mai slabe\u2026 \u0219i pun botul !<\/p>\n

Loto.<\/em> Un pop\u0103 s\u0103rac, dintr-o parohie s\u0103rac\u0103, se hot\u0103r\u0103\u0219te s\u0103 cear\u0103 ajutorul Divinit\u0103\u021bii ca s\u0103 scape \u0219i el de s\u0103r\u0103cie. Astfel c\u0103 omul nostru se ducea \u00een fiecare zi la Troi\u021ba din Crucea Drumului \u0219i se ruga cu \u00eenver\u0219unare: \u201eDoamne, te rog, ajut\u0103-m\u0103 s\u0103 c\u00e2\u0219tig \u0219i eu la Loto!\u201d Asta \u00een prima zi, a\u0219a \u0219i \u00een a doua\u2026f\u0103r\u0103 succes. P\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u00eentr-una din zile, dup\u0103 o lun\u0103 \u0219i ceva de rugi, apare un \u00eenger ro\u0219u la fa\u021b\u0103 de nervi \u0219i se r\u0103ste\u0219te la popa: \u201eDar cump\u0103r\u0103 odat\u0103, \u00een p***a m\u0103-tii, un bilet!\u201d<\/p>\n

Laud\u0103 de sine.<\/em> Un b\u0103rbat beat se \u00eempletice\u0219te pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 o m\u0103n\u0103stire. C\u0103lug\u0103ri\u021bele, v\u0103z\u00e2ndu-l de la ferestre, strig\u0103: \u2013 Be\u021bivule! B\u0103rbatul: \u2013 \u0218i ce dac\u0103!? O s\u0103 revin aici m\u00e2ine \u0219i o s\u0103 v\u0103 regulez pe toate la r\u00e2nd! C\u00e2nd b\u0103rbatul s-a trezit a doua zi, i s-a f\u0103cut ru\u0219ine de faptele sale \u0219i s-a hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103 le cear\u0103 iertare maicilor. Se apropie din nou de m\u0103n\u0103stire, vede acelea\u0219i fe\u021be ale maicilor \u0219i spune: \u2013 Surorilor, v\u0103 rog s\u0103 m\u0103 ierta\u021bi, sunt un p\u0103c\u0103tos\u2026 \u2013 \u0218i mincinos, l\u0103ud\u0103ros pe deasupra, \u021bip\u0103 maicile \u00een cor.<\/p>\n

News.<\/em> Micu\u021bul Johnny vine acas\u0103 de la biseric\u0103 \u0219i \u00eel \u00eentreab\u0103 pe tat\u0103l s\u0103u: \u2013 Tat\u0103, de ce Iisus, c\u00e2nd a \u00eenviat, li s-a ar\u0103tat mai \u00eent\u00e2i femeilor \u0219i nu b\u0103rba\u021bilor? \u2013 Nu \u0219tiu, fiule! Poate pentru c\u0103 a vrut ca vestea s\u0103 se r\u0103sp\u00e2ndeasc\u0103 mai repede. Spovedanie.<\/em> Un italian \u00een v\u00e2rst\u0103 \u00eei cere preotului s\u0103u s\u0103-i asculte spovedania, sim\u021bindu-\u0219i sf\u00e2r\u0219itul aproape: \u201eP\u0103rinte, \u00een timpul celui de-al Doilea R\u0103zboi Mondial, o femeie evreic\u0103 a b\u0103tut la u\u0219a mea \u0219i m-a rugat s\u0103 o ascund de nem\u021bi, \u00een \u0219ur\u0103\u201d. Preotul spune: \u201eA fost minunat din partea dumneavoastr\u0103 \u0219i nu trebuie s\u0103 regreta\u021bi asta\u201d. B\u0103rbatul explic\u0103, oarecum jenat: \u201eEi bine, a\u0219a au stat lucrurile, dar, p\u0103rinte, am fost slab\u2026 eram singur, ne\u00eensurat, \u0219i i-am cerut s\u0103 facem sex\u201d. Preotul: \u201eOk, am\u00e2ndoi era\u021bi \u00een mare pericol \u0219i am\u00e2ndoi a\u021bi fi suferit teribil dac\u0103 germanii v-ar fi g\u0103sit. Dumnezeu, \u00een \u00een\u021belepciunea \u0219i compasiunea Sa, va c\u00e2nt\u0103ri binele \u0219i r\u0103ul \u0219i v\u0103 va judeca cu mil\u0103. Sunte\u021bi ierta\u021bi\u201d. B\u0103rbatul respir\u0103 u\u0219urat. \u201eMul\u021bumesc, p\u0103rinte. Asta m\u0103 lini\u0219te\u0219te cu adev\u0103rat. Mai am o singur\u0103 \u00eentrebare: Oare n-ar trebui s\u0103-i spun acum, totu\u0219i, c\u0103 r\u0103zboiul s-a terminat de 40 de ani?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 Un mafiot rus: \u2013 Sfinte P\u0103rinte, a\u021bi putea, v\u0103 rog, s\u0103 nu suna\u021bi la poli\u021bie dup\u0103 spovedanie?<\/p>\n

\u20f0 \u201eP\u0103rinte, nu-mi pot iubi aproapele\u201d. \u201eDe ce, fiica mea?\u201d \u201dPentru c\u0103 el termin\u0103 mereu dup\u0103 doar dou\u0103 minute\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 B\u0103rbi.<\/em> Unui preot de regiment militar rus, amanta \u00eei cere s\u0103-\u0219i rad\u0103 barba, ca dovad\u0103 de iubire. \u2013 Nu pot, spune el, ce fel de preot f\u0103r\u0103 barb\u0103 voi fi!? P\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, preotul \u0219i-a ras barba, a a\u0219teptat p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd so\u021bia lui era pe punctul de a adormi, \u0219i s-a urcat \u00een pat. So\u021bia preotului, pe jum\u0103tate adormit\u0103, pip\u0103indu-i obrajii: \u2013 Vai, nebunule! \u0218i nu \u021bi-e fric\u0103, locotenente, c\u0103 so\u021bul meu, popa, se va \u00eentoarce cur\u00e2nd!? Hai, ia-m\u0103 repede!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201eN-ar \u0219ti nimeni c\u0103 m-am dus,\/Numa\u2019 m-or vedea c\u0103 nu-s.\/Sus e cerul, larg\u0103-i lumea,\/Bine ca-nfrunzit p\u0103durea(\u2026)\u201d<\/em> (Doru St\u0103nculescu)<\/p>\n

Povestea muzicu\u021bei lui Doru.<\/em> Doru St\u0103nculescu (1950 \u2013 2021), fratele Mihaelei Mihai, a fost un idol pentru genera\u021bii de tineri r\u0103zvr\u0103ti\u021bi. A fost membru fondator al \u201eCenaclului Flac\u0103ra\u201d, la care a participat p\u00e2n\u0103 la desfiin\u021barea acestuia. Sunt binecunoscute c\u00e2ntecele sale, \u00eentre care \u201eAi, hai\u201d, \u201eEcou de roman\u021b\u0103\u201d, \u201eF\u0103r\u0103 petale\u201d. \u201eAi, hai\u201d (\u201ePe sub flori m\u0103 leg\u0103nai\u201d) se prezint\u0103 sub forma unei pove\u0219ti \u00een care personajele principale sunt Doru St\u0103nculescu \u0219i o muzicu\u021b\u0103 ajuns\u0103 \u00een Rom\u00e2nia \u00een 1970\u2026 din America: O zi frumoas\u0103 de iunie\u2026 Doru St\u0103nculescu tocmai d\u0103duse \u201ebacul\u201d; \u00eempreun\u0103 cu Dan Chebac (alt folkist, care a p\u0103r\u0103sit Rom\u00e2nia \u0219i s-a stabilit, c\u0103tre sf\u00e2r\u0219itul anilor \u201870 ai secolului trecut, \u00een Germania), a ajuns la fostul patinoar (artificial) \u201e23 August\u201d, unde auzise c\u0103 sus\u021bine un concert trupa american\u0103 \u201eBlood, Sweat & Tears\u201d (\u201eS\u00e2nge, Sudoare \u0219i Lacrimi\u201d) \u2013 necunoscut\u0103 pentru ei, p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een acea clip\u0103. \u201eLa finalul concertului, \u00ee\u0219i aminte\u0219te Doru \u2013 arti\u0219tii \u0219i-au aruncat instrumentele \u00een public. Era vorba de be\u021bele de la tobe, un gong, o tamburin\u0103\u2026 \u00cen timpul concertului, \u00eel v\u0103zusem pe solistul vocal c\u00e2nt\u00e2nd la un instrument care sem\u0103na cu o muzicu\u021b\u0103. Ei bine, o voiam eu. Dac\u0103 tot \u00ee\u0219i aruncaser\u0103 ei din instrumente \u00een public, am pus ochii pe acea muzicu\u021b\u0103. A\u0219a c\u0103 am luat-o de-a dreptul prin patinoar (f\u0103cusem hochei de performan\u021b\u0103 la 12 ani), am ajuns \u00een culise. L-am g\u0103sit pe solist, pe Steve Katz, i-am cerut muzicu\u021ba. Eu nu \u0219tiam englez\u0103, pentru c\u0103 \u00een \u0219coal\u0103 f\u0103cusem doar rus\u0103 \u0219i francez\u0103, dar \u0219tia Dan \u0219i i-a explicat el ce voiam. Mi-a adus-o. L-am v\u0103zut c\u00e2nd a luat-o dintr-un recipient ciudat\u2026C\u00e2nd a ajuns \u00een m\u00e2inile mele, mi-am dat seama \u00een ce era \u021binut\u0103. \u00centr-o sond\u0103 cu whisky.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 \u201dSalade de fruits, jolie, jolie\u201d (Bourvil). <\/em>Un m\u0103r \u0219i o par\u0103 care vor s\u0103 se c\u0103s\u0103toreasc\u0103 merg la preot \u0219i \u00eei dau vestea. \u00cen ziua nun\u021bii, preotul \u00eentreab\u0103: \u201eVrei, m\u0103rule, s\u0103 te c\u0103s\u0103tore\u0219ti cu o par\u0103?\u201d \u0218i el spune: \u201eDa\u201d, iar preotul spune din nou: \u201eVrei, par\u0103, s\u0103 te c\u0103s\u0103tore\u0219ti cu un m\u0103r?\u201d \u0218i para spune: \u201eDa\u201d, iar preotul: \u201e Ce s\u0103 mai zic\u2026V\u0103 doresc s\u0103 deveni\u021bi o gustoas\u0103 salat\u0103 de fructe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 Baba Novac. <\/em>C\u00e2nd turcii au cucerit Oltenia, trec\u00e2nd Dun\u0103rea, au r\u0103pit \u0219i violat toate fetele dintr-un sat. Seara, \u00een jurul focului de tab\u0103r\u0103, se l\u0103uda fiecare cu ispr\u0103vile lui\u2026 Dar un turc mai slab, sfrijit, se pl\u00e2nge Pa\u0219ei: \u2013 M\u0103rite st\u0103p\u00e2ne, \u00een satul \u0103sta mai exist\u0103 o bab\u0103 care este \u00eenc\u0103 virgin\u0103! N-am izbutit s-o viol\u0103m! \u2013 Bine, plec\u0103m acum cu to\u021bii spre ea, zice Pa\u0219a. Se duc la casa babei, dar ea \u00eei arunc\u0103 prin geam, prin u\u0219\u0103 (ca \u00een filmele cu Rambo, de pild\u0103, imagina\u021bi-v\u0103). Apoi iese pe prisp\u0103 \u0219i spune: \u2013 \u00cenc\u0103 nu s-a n\u0103scut turcul care s-o violeze pe Baba Novac! Iat\u0103 un text patriotic exemplar!<\/p>\n

\u20f0 Z\u00e2mbete \u00een sutan\u0103.<\/em> M\u0103t\u0103nii. Vine o tip\u0103 la un pop\u0103 \u0219i \u00eei spune: \u2013 P\u0103rinte, \u0219titi, am p\u0103c\u0103tuit, am f\u0103cut \u0219i eu cu b\u0103rbatu\u2019, cum se face acuma, \u0219ti\u021bi, sex anal. Popa: \u2013 Zece m\u0103t\u0103nii, repede! Tipa le face \u0219i continu\u0103: \u2013 P\u0103rinte, asta nu e tot, am facut \u0219i sex normal cu amantu\u2019 meu. Popa: \u2013 Cincizeci de m\u0103t\u0103nii ! Tipa le face \u0219i continu\u0103: \u2013 Dar p\u0103rinte, am f\u0103cut \u0219i sex oral cu b\u0103rbatu\u2019 meu. Popa caut\u0103 la catastife, \u0219i neg\u0103sind nimic, \u00eel sun\u0103 pe cardinal: Domnule Cardinal, am aici pe una care a f\u0103cut sex oral, ce s\u0103-i dau? Cardinalul: \u2013 Descurc\u0103-te \u0219i tu, eu am dat cinzeci de euro.<\/p>\n

Ho\u021b \u0219i ho\u021bie.<\/em> La nunta \u2013 luxoas\u0103 \u2013 a unui cuplu format din dou\u0103 persoane importante, membri ai unor partide asociate la guvernare, t\u00e2n\u0103rul preot oficiant, timid, se b\u00e2lb\u00e2ie \u0219i spune: \u201dV\u0103 declar, pe veci, ho\u021b \u0219i ho\u021bie!\u201d. P.S. Nu \u0219tiu sigur, dar se pare c\u0103 preotul respectiv a fost transferat de la Snagov la Co\u021bu\u0219ca (jud. Boto\u0219ani).<\/p>\n

Coarne.<\/em> \u201eP\u0103rinte, so\u021bia mea \u021bi s-a spovedit ieri. M\u0103 \u00een\u0219al\u0103, oare?\u201d \u201e\u0102sta e secretul spovedaniei. Calmeaz\u0103-te \u0219i du-te \u00een pace, cerbul meu drag!\u201d<\/p>\n

P\u0103cate.<\/em> \u2013 P\u0103rinte, spovede\u0219te-m\u0103. Asear\u0103 l-am masturbat pe so\u021bul meu! \u2013 Femeie, spune de trei ori Tat\u0103l Nostru \u0219i apoi spal\u0103-te pe m\u00e2ini la r\u0103s\u0103ritul soarelui \u00een apa izvorului din p\u0103dure! So\u021bul: \u2013 Unde ai fost, M\u0103rie? \u2013 La izvor, s\u0103 m\u0103 sp\u0103l pe m\u00e2ini de p\u0103cat. \u2013 \u0218i cu cine te-ai mai \u00eent\u00e2lnit acolo? \u2013 Cu preoteasa, f\u0103cea gargar\u0103\u2026<\/p>\n

Diferen\u021b\u0103.<\/em> B\u0103ie\u021bii se g\u00e2ndesc mereu la sex. Dar fetele sunt mai slabe\u2026 \u0219i pun botul !<\/p>\n

Loto.<\/em> Un pop\u0103 s\u0103rac, dintr-o parohie s\u0103rac\u0103, se hot\u0103r\u0103\u0219te s\u0103 cear\u0103 ajutorul Divinit\u0103\u021bii ca s\u0103 scape \u0219i el de s\u0103r\u0103cie. Astfel c\u0103 omul nostru se ducea \u00een fiecare zi la Troi\u021ba din Crucea Drumului \u0219i se ruga cu \u00eenver\u0219unare: \u201eDoamne, te rog, ajut\u0103-m\u0103 s\u0103 c\u00e2\u0219tig \u0219i eu la Loto!\u201d Asta \u00een prima zi, a\u0219a \u0219i \u00een a doua\u2026f\u0103r\u0103 succes. P\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u00eentr-una din zile, dup\u0103 o lun\u0103 \u0219i ceva de rugi, apare un \u00eenger ro\u0219u la fa\u021b\u0103 de nervi \u0219i se r\u0103ste\u0219te la popa: \u201eDar cump\u0103r\u0103 odat\u0103, \u00een p***a m\u0103-tii, un bilet!\u201d<\/p>\n

Laud\u0103 de sine.<\/em> Un b\u0103rbat beat se \u00eempletice\u0219te pe l\u00e2ng\u0103 o m\u0103n\u0103stire. C\u0103lug\u0103ri\u021bele, v\u0103z\u00e2ndu-l de la ferestre, strig\u0103: \u2013 Be\u021bivule! B\u0103rbatul: \u2013 \u0218i ce dac\u0103!? O s\u0103 revin aici m\u00e2ine \u0219i o s\u0103 v\u0103 regulez pe toate la r\u00e2nd! C\u00e2nd b\u0103rbatul s-a trezit a doua zi, i s-a f\u0103cut ru\u0219ine de faptele sale \u0219i s-a hot\u0103r\u00e2t s\u0103 le cear\u0103 iertare maicilor. Se apropie din nou de m\u0103n\u0103stire, vede acelea\u0219i fe\u021be ale maicilor \u0219i spune: \u2013 Surorilor, v\u0103 rog s\u0103 m\u0103 ierta\u021bi, sunt un p\u0103c\u0103tos\u2026 \u2013 \u0218i mincinos, l\u0103ud\u0103ros pe deasupra, \u021bip\u0103 maicile \u00een cor.<\/p>\n

News.<\/em> Micu\u021bul Johnny vine acas\u0103 de la biseric\u0103 \u0219i \u00eel \u00eentreab\u0103 pe tat\u0103l s\u0103u: \u2013 Tat\u0103, de ce Iisus, c\u00e2nd a \u00eenviat, li s-a ar\u0103tat mai \u00eent\u00e2i femeilor \u0219i nu b\u0103rba\u021bilor? \u2013 Nu \u0219tiu, fiule! Poate pentru c\u0103 a vrut ca vestea s\u0103 se r\u0103sp\u00e2ndeasc\u0103 mai repede. Spovedanie.<\/em> Un italian \u00een v\u00e2rst\u0103 \u00eei cere preotului s\u0103u s\u0103-i asculte spovedania, sim\u021bindu-\u0219i sf\u00e2r\u0219itul aproape: \u201eP\u0103rinte, \u00een timpul celui de-al Doilea R\u0103zboi Mondial, o femeie evreic\u0103 a b\u0103tut la u\u0219a mea \u0219i m-a rugat s\u0103 o ascund de nem\u021bi, \u00een \u0219ur\u0103\u201d. Preotul spune: \u201eA fost minunat din partea dumneavoastr\u0103 \u0219i nu trebuie s\u0103 regreta\u021bi asta\u201d. B\u0103rbatul explic\u0103, oarecum jenat: \u201eEi bine, a\u0219a au stat lucrurile, dar, p\u0103rinte, am fost slab\u2026 eram singur, ne\u00eensurat, \u0219i i-am cerut s\u0103 facem sex\u201d. Preotul: \u201eOk, am\u00e2ndoi era\u021bi \u00een mare pericol \u0219i am\u00e2ndoi a\u021bi fi suferit teribil dac\u0103 germanii v-ar fi g\u0103sit. Dumnezeu, \u00een \u00een\u021belepciunea \u0219i compasiunea Sa, va c\u00e2nt\u0103ri binele \u0219i r\u0103ul \u0219i v\u0103 va judeca cu mil\u0103. Sunte\u021bi ierta\u021bi\u201d. B\u0103rbatul respir\u0103 u\u0219urat. \u201eMul\u021bumesc, p\u0103rinte. Asta m\u0103 lini\u0219te\u0219te cu adev\u0103rat. Mai am o singur\u0103 \u00eentrebare: Oare n-ar trebui s\u0103-i spun acum, totu\u0219i, c\u0103 r\u0103zboiul s-a terminat de 40 de ani?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 Un mafiot rus: \u2013 Sfinte P\u0103rinte, a\u021bi putea, v\u0103 rog, s\u0103 nu suna\u021bi la poli\u021bie dup\u0103 spovedanie?<\/p>\n

\u20f0 \u201eP\u0103rinte, nu-mi pot iubi aproapele\u201d. \u201eDe ce, fiica mea?\u201d \u201dPentru c\u0103 el termin\u0103 mereu dup\u0103 doar dou\u0103 minute\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u20f0 B\u0103rbi.<\/em> Unui preot de regiment militar rus, amanta \u00eei cere s\u0103-\u0219i rad\u0103 barba, ca dovad\u0103 de iubire. \u2013 Nu pot, spune el, ce fel de preot f\u0103r\u0103 barb\u0103 voi fi!? P\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, preotul \u0219i-a ras barba, a a\u0219teptat p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd so\u021bia lui era pe punctul de a adormi, \u0219i s-a urcat \u00een pat. So\u021bia preotului, pe jum\u0103tate adormit\u0103, pip\u0103indu-i obrajii: \u2013 Vai, nebunule! \u0218i nu \u021bi-e fric\u0103, locotenente, c\u0103 so\u021bul meu, popa, se va \u00eentoarce cur\u00e2nd!? Hai, ia-m\u0103 repede!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

[analyse_source url=”https:\/\/www.monitorulsv.ro\/cockteilcu-amor-umor-si-poezie-zambete-in-sutana_83e01d\/”]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[analyse_image type=”featured” src=””] \u201eN-ar \u0219ti nimeni c\u0103 m-am dus,\/Numa\u2019 m-or vedea c\u0103 nu-s.\/Sus e cerul, larg\u0103-i lumea,\/Bine ca-nfrunzit p\u0103durea(\u2026)\u201d (Doru St\u0103nculescu) Povestea muzicu\u021bei lui Doru. Doru St\u0103nculescu (1950 \u2013 2021), fratele Mihaelei Mihai, a fost un idol pentru genera\u021bii de tineri r\u0103zvr\u0103ti\u021bi. A fost membru fondator al \u201eCenaclului Flac\u0103ra\u201d, la care a participat p\u00e2n\u0103 la […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[89],"tags":[226,166],"class_list":["post-2142592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-romania","tag-crawlmanager","tag-monitorulsv-ro"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2142592","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2142592"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2142592\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2142592"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2142592"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2142592"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}