{"id":2125683,"date":"2026-09-03T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-09-02T21:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=2125683"},"modified":"2026-09-03T00:00:00","modified_gmt":"2026-09-02T21:00:00","slug":"want-to-speak-car-design-heres-the-top-gear-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=2125683","title":{"rendered":"Want to speak ‘car design’? Here’s the Top Gear guide"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

What people say and what they mean are often very different.<\/p>\n

If, for example, a work colleague starts an email with \u2018I don\u2019t want to make a fuss, but…\u2019 this actually means they do want, and indeed are about, to make an enormous fuss.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

When a doctor says, \u2018this may sting a little\u2019, what they in fact mean is \u2018I am about to inflict upon you the worst pain that any human has ever felt\u2019.<\/p>\n

Car companies are no different. Automotive designers, for example, will never call a spade a spade, if they can instead call it \u2018a manually actuated earth displacement solution with organically sculpted grip zone providing total command of the terrain interface\u2019.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Here, then, is your guide to speaking car design:<\/p>\n

\u201cRadical simplicity\u201d<\/h3>\n

We ran out of time to do the styling.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cBoasts a confident stance\u201d<\/h3>\n

If you drive this car, no one will let you out at busy junctions.<\/p>\n

\u201cPurposeful styling\u201d<\/h3>\n

Looks obnoxious.<\/p>\n

\u201cSculpted by aerodynamics\u201d<\/h3>\n

Looks a bit melty.<\/p>\n

\u201cInstantly recognisable\u201d<\/h3>\n

Ugly.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

\u201cChallenges convention\u201d<\/h3>\n

Really ugly.<\/p>\n

\u201cTimeless design\u201d<\/h3>\n

Looks exactly the same as the old car.<\/p>\n

\u201cEvolution, not revolution\u201d<\/h3>\n

Looks exactly the same as the old car, only with slightly squintier headlights.<\/p>\n

\u201cFamily face with signature lighting\u201d<\/h3>\n

Looks exactly the same as all our other cars.<\/p>\n

\u201cBold colourways\u201d<\/h3>\n

You will spend the next four hours on our online configurator, creating a purple and lime green monstrosity with mustard interior.<\/p>\n

\u201cDriver-focused cockpit\u201d<\/h3>\n

We have provided no space to put your coffee.<\/p>\n

\u201cCocoon-like interior\u201d<\/h3>\n

We have also provided no space to put your elbows.<\/p>\n

\u201cMuscular haunches\u201d<\/h3>\n

Too wide to fit in an Asda parking space. Or any other supermarket space.<\/p>\n

\u201cCommanding presence\u201d<\/h3>\n

They\u2019re still not letting you out at that busy junction.<\/p>\n

\u201cBrave, unconstrained creative thinking and unwavering determination\u201d<\/h3>\n

Our designer has gone mad and is holding several staff members hostage in the studio. Please send help as soon as possible.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What people say and what they mean are often very different. If, for example, a work colleague starts an email with \u2018I don\u2019t want to make a fuss, but…\u2019 this actually means they do want, and indeed are about, to make an enormous fuss. When a doctor says, \u2018this may sting a little\u2019, what they […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[226,237],"class_list":["post-2125683","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-crawlmanager","tag-topgear-com"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2125683","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2125683"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2125683\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2125683"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2125683"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2125683"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}