{"id":1919045,"date":"2026-05-05T17:15:43","date_gmt":"2026-05-05T14:15:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=1919045"},"modified":"2026-05-05T17:15:43","modified_gmt":"2026-05-05T14:15:43","slug":"im-sorry-to-say-that-conan-exiles-todgers-have-been-enlarged-as-part-of-its-just-released-unreal-engine-5-makeover","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=1919045","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m sorry to say that Conan Exiles&#8217; todgers have been enlarged as part of its just-released Unreal Engine 5 makeover"},"content":{"rendered":"<article class=\"article \" data-ads=\"true\" data-article-type=\"news\" data-article-group=\"news\" data-paywalled=\"false\" data-premium=\"false\" data-sponsored=\"false\" data-type=\"article\">\n<header class=\"article_header\" data-component=\"article-header\">\n<div class=\"breadcrumbs\">\n<nav class=\"nav_breadcrumbs\" data-component=\"nav-breadcrumbs\" aria-label=\"Breadcrumb\">\n<ul class=\"nav-links\">\n<li>\n                <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/\" data-active=\"false\"><br \/>\n                      Home<br \/>\n                <\/a>\n            <\/li>\n<li>\n                <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/news\" data-active=\"false\"><br \/>\n                      News<br \/>\n                <\/a>\n            <\/li>\n<li>\n                <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/games\/conan-exiles\" data-active=\"false\"><br \/>\n                      Conan Exiles<br \/>\n                <\/a>\n            <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/nav><\/div>\n<div class=\"headline_details\" id=\"main-content\">\n<h1 class=\"title\">I&#8217;m sorry to say that Conan Exiles&#8217; todgers have been enlarged as part of its just-released Unreal Engine 5 makeover<\/h1>\n<p class=\"strapline\">Schlong story.<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div class=\"headline_asset\">\n<figure class=\"headline_image_wrapper\">\n<p>        <img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"headline_image\" src=\"https:\/\/assetsio.gnwcdn.com\/conan-exiles-header-covered.jpg?width=570&amp;quality=85&amp;format=jpg&amp;dpr=3&amp;auto=webp\" alt=\"A naked, muscled, masculine figure crucified on a cross, waiting to perish in the heat of the desert. Overlaid on his naughty parts is a very friendly looking cockerel.\" loading=\"eager\" data-uri=\"conan-exiles-header-covered.jpg\" data-lightbox width=\"570\" height=\"320\"><figcaption>\n          <span class=\"attribution\">Image credit: <cite>Eurogamer \/ Funcom<\/cite><\/span><br \/>\n        <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div class=\"metadata\">\n<div class=\"avatar\">\n<p>    <img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Robert Purchese avatar\" src=\"https:\/\/assetsio.gnwcdn.com\/user-9946-originalxoriginal-14-03-23.jpg?width=2048&amp;height=2048&amp;fit=bounds&amp;quality=85&amp;format=jpg&amp;auto=webp\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1\" width=\"1024\" height=\"1017\"><\/p>\n<p>  <img alt=\"Robert Purchese avatar\" data-autosize=\"crop_lossy\" data-uri=\"user-9946-originalxoriginal-14-03-23.jpg\" loading=\"lazy\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1\" width=\"1024\" height=\"1017\">\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"text\">\n<div class=\"byline\">\n                  <span class=\"article_type\" data-slug=\"news\"><br \/>\n                    News<br \/>\n                  <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span class=\"by\">by<\/span> <span class=\"author\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/authors\/robert-purchese\">Robert Purchese<\/a><\/span>                    <span class=\"job_title\"><br \/>\n                      Associate Editor<br \/>\n                    <\/span>\n            <\/div>\n<div class=\"published_at\">\nPublished on <time datetime=\"2026-05-05T17:15:43+00:00\">May 5, 2026<\/time>              <\/div>\n<div class=\"comments\">\n      <a class=\"comments__link comments-bubble\" href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/conan-exiles-enhanced-unreal-todger-size?view=comments\" rel=\"nofollow\"><br \/>\n          2 comments<br \/>\n      <\/a>\n    <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div class=\"mypop-header-wrapper\">\n<p><button class=\"mypop-button button wide\" data-state=\"follow\" data-type=\"tag\" data-uuid=\"199046cc-cfde-4cb8-93fb-e01335779cee\" data-name=\"Conan Exiles\" data-follow-text=\"Follow Conan Exiles\" data-unfollow-text=\"Following Conan Exiles\" data-aria-follow-text=\"Follow Conan Exiles\" data-aria-unfollow-text=\"Following Conan Exiles\" data-popup=\"true\" data-force-login=\"true\" aria-label=\"Follow Conan Exiles\" title=\"Follow Conan Exiles\"><br \/>\n  Follow Conan Exiles<br \/>\n<\/button>          <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/header>\n<div class=\"article_body\" data-component=\"article-content\">\n<div class=\"article_body_content article-styling\">\n<p>I don&#8217;t know how else to tell you this so I&#8217;m just going to come out and say it: the todgers in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/games\/conan-exiles\">Conan Exiles<\/a> have been updated, and they&#8217;re bigger than they&#8217;ve ever been. There, you&#8217;re welcome; games journalism at its finest.<\/p>\n<p>The penis rejiggle comes as Conan Exiles Enhanced arrives &#8211; an overhaul that yanks the game forward onto Unreal Engine 5 (it having previously run on Unreal Engine 4). In doing so, all areas of the game have been significantly visually improved, across environments, lighting and characters.<\/p>\n<figure>\n<div class=\"video_wrapper youtube\">\n<a aria-label=\"Conan Exiles - Official Enhanced Update Launch Trailer\" class=\"video-facade full-size\" data-platform=\"youtube\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/vne2zKe4bM8?autoplay=1\" title=\"Click to play video from YouTube\"><br \/>\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Cover image for YouTube video\" class=\"video-facade__image\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/vne2zKe4bM8\/hqdefault.jpg\"><span class=\"video-facade__title\">Conan Exiles &#8211; Official Enhanced Update Launch Trailer<\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/a>\n<\/div>\n<p><a class=\"button video\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=vne2zKe4bM8\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Watch on YouTube<\/a><\/figure>\n<p>The characters haven&#8217;t fundamentally changed &#8211; this isn&#8217;t a top-to-wobbly-bottom remake &#8211; so the underlying construction of the characters is the same, though there are maybe a few more customisation options on offer; I&#8217;m not entirely sure. What I <em>am<\/em> sure of is that characters are much sweatier and oilier than before, as I suppose better befits a person stranded in a desert. Musculature is better defined and the curvier, fleshier parts of bodies are more believable and wobble as a successful <em>panna cotta<\/em> should.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"injection_placeholder\" data-position=\"1\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>But there has been a slight change to body part sizes, which I assume is intentional because <a href=\"https:\/\/store.steampowered.com\/news\/app\/440900\/view\/663860577379025424?l=english\">a just-released infographic for the game<\/a> brags about an &#8220;enhanced endowment slider&#8221;. Before, when you slid this to its maximum, the character&#8217;s todger grew to resemble a large, thick, slimy leech; whereas now, it grows to resemble a small sourdough bloomer from Tesco. Similarly, breasts can grow to absurd proportions. I can&#8217;t believe I&#8217;m writing this.<\/p>\n<figure data-count=\"2\" role=\"group\">\n<figure>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" height=\"1440\" src=\"https:\/\/assetsio.gnwcdn.com\/conan-exiles-large.jpg?width=2048&amp;height=2048&amp;fit=bounds&amp;quality=85&amp;format=jpg&amp;auto=webp\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<p><img alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" data-autosize=\"crop_lossy\" data-lightbox data-uri=\"conan-exiles-large.jpg\" height=\"1440\" loading=\"lazy\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<\/figure>\n<figure>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" height=\"1440\" src=\"https:\/\/assetsio.gnwcdn.com\/conan-exiles-cock.jpg?width=2048&amp;height=2048&amp;fit=bounds&amp;quality=85&amp;format=jpg&amp;auto=webp\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<p><img alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" data-autosize=\"crop_lossy\" data-lightbox data-uri=\"conan-exiles-cock.jpg\" height=\"1440\" loading=\"lazy\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<\/figure><figcaption>Old versus new. | <span class=\"attribution\">Image credit: <cite>Eurogamer \/ Funcom<\/cite><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Why are todger sizes important? A profound question, reader. But <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/watch-ian-plays-conan-exiles-live-from-3-30pm\">in Conan Exiles they&#8217;re notable because customisable genital sizes were a naughty talking point<\/a> when the game launched in 2018. A clever piece of marketing, you might say; one assumes Funcom&#8217;s &#8220;enhanced endowment slider&#8221; is attempting the same eight years later.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"injection_placeholder\" data-position=\"2\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s not all: the move to Unreal Engine 5 brings better performance in Conan Exiles across a range of PCs and settings; introduces a new user interface; focuses on improving Steam Deck performance; and connects the in-game worlds of The Exiled Lands and the separate paid land of The Isle of Siptah, which you can travel freely between. The Enhanced Edition upgrade is free, by the way.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/conan-exiles-review-a-handsomely-sculpted-survival-game\">Conan Exiles, a survival crafting game<\/a>, saved Funcom somewhat when it came out in 2018. The studio needed a hit after <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/the-secret-world-review\">its expensive MMO The Secret World had flopped<\/a>, so it put together a Conan survival game which caught public attention and, to date, has had more than 15m players. Its success propelled the Norwegian company forward into making <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/dune-awakening-review\">Dune Awakening, another desert-based survival game<\/a>, which started as an MMO but seems to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/dune-awakening-ditching-pvp-endgame-experience-80-players\">relaxing into a more free-form online survival game<\/a> in order to keep its playerbase healthy.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"poll_wrapper\" data-fixed=\"true\" data-hashid data-init=\"false\" data-poll-position=\"1\"><\/span><\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<div class=\"preferred-source\" data-component=\"preferred-source\">\nLove Eurogamer.net? Make us a <a rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\" href=\"https:\/\/www.google.com\/preferences\/source?q=https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\">Preferred Source on Google<\/a> and catch more of our coverage in your feeds.  <\/div>\n<\/article>\n<div class=\"article_body\" data-component=\"article-content\">\n<div class=\"article_body_content article-styling\">\n<p>I don&#8217;t know how else to tell you this so I&#8217;m just going to come out and say it: the todgers in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/games\/conan-exiles\">Conan Exiles<\/a> have been updated, and they&#8217;re bigger than they&#8217;ve ever been. There, you&#8217;re welcome; games journalism at its finest.<\/p>\n<p>The penis rejiggle comes as Conan Exiles Enhanced arrives &#8211; an overhaul that yanks the game forward onto Unreal Engine 5 (it having previously run on Unreal Engine 4). In doing so, all areas of the game have been significantly visually improved, across environments, lighting and characters.<\/p>\n<figure>\n<div class=\"video_wrapper youtube\">\n<a aria-label=\"Conan Exiles - Official Enhanced Update Launch Trailer\" class=\"video-facade full-size\" data-platform=\"youtube\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/vne2zKe4bM8?autoplay=1\" title=\"Click to play video from YouTube\"><br \/>\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Cover image for YouTube video\" class=\"video-facade__image\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/vne2zKe4bM8\/hqdefault.jpg\"><span class=\"video-facade__title\">Conan Exiles &#8211; Official Enhanced Update Launch Trailer<\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/a>\n<\/div>\n<p><a class=\"button video\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=vne2zKe4bM8\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Watch on YouTube<\/a><\/figure>\n<p>The characters haven&#8217;t fundamentally changed &#8211; this isn&#8217;t a top-to-wobbly-bottom remake &#8211; so the underlying construction of the characters is the same, though there are maybe a few more customisation options on offer; I&#8217;m not entirely sure. What I <em>am<\/em> sure of is that characters are much sweatier and oilier than before, as I suppose better befits a person stranded in a desert. Musculature is better defined and the curvier, fleshier parts of bodies are more believable and wobble as a successful <em>panna cotta<\/em> should.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"injection_placeholder\" data-position=\"1\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>But there has been a slight change to body part sizes, which I assume is intentional because <a href=\"https:\/\/store.steampowered.com\/news\/app\/440900\/view\/663860577379025424?l=english\">a just-released infographic for the game<\/a> brags about an &#8220;enhanced endowment slider&#8221;. Before, when you slid this to its maximum, the character&#8217;s todger grew to resemble a large, thick, slimy leech; whereas now, it grows to resemble a small sourdough bloomer from Tesco. Similarly, breasts can grow to absurd proportions. I can&#8217;t believe I&#8217;m writing this.<\/p>\n<figure data-count=\"2\" role=\"group\">\n<figure>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" height=\"1440\" src=\"https:\/\/assetsio.gnwcdn.com\/conan-exiles-large.jpg?width=2048&amp;height=2048&amp;fit=bounds&amp;quality=85&amp;format=jpg&amp;auto=webp\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<p><img alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" data-autosize=\"crop_lossy\" data-lightbox data-uri=\"conan-exiles-large.jpg\" height=\"1440\" loading=\"lazy\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<\/figure>\n<figure>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" height=\"1440\" src=\"https:\/\/assetsio.gnwcdn.com\/conan-exiles-cock.jpg?width=2048&amp;height=2048&amp;fit=bounds&amp;quality=85&amp;format=jpg&amp;auto=webp\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<p><img alt=\"A masculine figure on a crucifix in a desert.\" data-autosize=\"crop_lossy\" data-lightbox data-uri=\"conan-exiles-cock.jpg\" height=\"1440\" loading=\"lazy\" style=\"aspect-ratio: 1.7777777777777777\" width=\"2560\"><\/p>\n<\/figure><figcaption>Old versus new. | <span class=\"attribution\">Image credit: <cite>Eurogamer \/ Funcom<\/cite><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Why are todger sizes important? A profound question, reader. But <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/watch-ian-plays-conan-exiles-live-from-3-30pm\">in Conan Exiles they&#8217;re notable because customisable genital sizes were a naughty talking point<\/a> when the game launched in 2018. A clever piece of marketing, you might say; one assumes Funcom&#8217;s &#8220;enhanced endowment slider&#8221; is attempting the same eight years later.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"injection_placeholder\" data-position=\"2\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s not all: the move to Unreal Engine 5 brings better performance in Conan Exiles across a range of PCs and settings; introduces a new user interface; focuses on improving Steam Deck performance; and connects the in-game worlds of The Exiled Lands and the separate paid land of The Isle of Siptah, which you can travel freely between. The Enhanced Edition upgrade is free, by the way.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/conan-exiles-review-a-handsomely-sculpted-survival-game\">Conan Exiles, a survival crafting game<\/a>, saved Funcom somewhat when it came out in 2018. The studio needed a hit after <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/the-secret-world-review\">its expensive MMO The Secret World had flopped<\/a>, so it put together a Conan survival game which caught public attention and, to date, has had more than 15m players. Its success propelled the Norwegian company forward into making <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/dune-awakening-review\">Dune Awakening, another desert-based survival game<\/a>, which started as an MMO but seems to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.eurogamer.net\/dune-awakening-ditching-pvp-endgame-experience-80-players\">relaxing into a more free-form online survival game<\/a> in order to keep its playerbase healthy.<\/p>\n<p><span class=\"poll_wrapper\" data-fixed=\"true\" data-hashid data-init=\"false\" data-poll-position=\"1\"><\/span><\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Home News Conan Exiles I&#8217;m sorry to say that Conan Exiles&#8217; todgers have been enlarged as part of its just-released Unreal Engine 5 makeover Schlong story. Image credit: Eurogamer \/ Funcom News by Robert Purchese Associate Editor Published on May 5, 2026 2 comments Follow Conan Exiles I don&#8217;t know how else to tell you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[226,253],"class_list":["post-1919045","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-crawlmanager","tag-eurogamer-net"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1919045","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1919045"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1919045\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1919045"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1919045"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1919045"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}