{"id":1869702,"date":"2026-04-07T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-07T09:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=1869702"},"modified":"2026-04-07T12:01:00","modified_gmt":"2026-04-07T09:01:00","slug":"why-do-friendship-breakups-hurt-so-much","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=1869702","title":{"rendered":"Why do friendship breakups hurt so much?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[analyse_image type=&#8221;featured&#8221; src=&#8221;https:\/\/images-prod.dazeddigital.com\/1200\/0-0-1600-1066\/azure\/dazed-prod\/1440\/2\/1442983.jpg&#8221;]<\/p>\n<article class=\"main-article standard \">\n<div class=\"article-main-content article-wrapper has-media-but-its-an-image\" data-status=\"loaded\" data-primary-article=\"true\" data-url=\"\/life-culture\/article\/70047\/1\/why-do-friendship-breakups-hurt-so-much-painful-romantic-relationships-friends\" data-article-id=\"70047\">\n<header class=\"article-header has-landscape-image no-media\">\n<div class=\"wrapper dg-max-width\">\n<div class=\"inner\">\n<figure class=\"main-img has-figcaption\" data-img-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\" data-img-aspect-ratio=\"1.5\" data-template=\"Standard Article\"><span class=\"has-css-custom-props image-container\" data-aspect-ratio-type=\"landscape\"><span class=\"preserve-aspect-ratio\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" alt=\"sub-buzz-17141-1491859106-1\" class=\"img\" height=\"1067\" src=\"https:\/\/images-prod.dazeddigital.com\/1400\/azure\/dazed-prod\/1440\/2\/1442983.jpg\" width=\"1600\"><\/span><\/span><figcaption class=\"img-caption\"><span class=\"inner\"><span class=\"credit\">Girls<\/span><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<aside class=\"meta\">\n<div class=\"inner\"><time datetime=\"2026-04-07T12:01:00+00:00\" class=\"timestamp\" title=\"07 April 2026\"><span class=\"month\">April<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"day\" data-day=\"7\">7,<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"year\">2026<\/span><\/time><\/div>\n<\/aside>\n<div class=\"titles\">\n<div class=\"tags\">\n<div class=\"sections\"><a class=\"category vertical - life-culture\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a><br \/>\n\/<br \/>\n<a class=\"series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/feature\">Feature<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"standard-tag-container\"><a class=\"standard-category\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\">Life &amp; Culture<\/a> \/<br \/>\n<a class=\"standard-series\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/feature\">Feature<\/a><\/div>\n<h1 class=\"title\"><span>Why do friendship breakups hurt <span class=\"nowrap\">so much?<\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n<div class=\"standfirst\">\n<h2>Our culture positions the breakdown of a romantic relationship as one of the most emotionally painful experiences a person can go through \u2013 but drifting apart from a long-term friend can be just <span class=\"nowrap\">as torturous<\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<p><time datetime=\"2026-04-07T12:01:00+00:00\" class=\"timestamp\" title=\"07 April 2026\"><span class=\"month\">April<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"day\" data-day=\"7\">7,<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"year\">2026<\/span><\/time><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><time datetime=\"2026-04-07T12:01:00+00:00\" class=\"timestamp\" title=\"07 April 2026\"><span class=\"month\">April<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"day\" data-day=\"7\">7,<\/span>\u00a0<br \/>\n<span class=\"year\">2026<\/span><\/time><\/p>\n<div class=\"providers\">\n<div class=\"contributors\"><span class=\"contributor\" data-contributor-role=\"Text\"><span class=\"contributor-role\">Text<\/span><a class=\"contributor-name\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/user\/Ruqaiyaharis\">Ruqaiya Haris<\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/header>\n<div class=\"article-body-container\">\n<div class=\"article-body wrapper\">\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>A year and a half after we had stopped talking, I spotted a former friend at King\u2019s Cross station. She hadn\u2019t spotted me amid the crowds of tourists, and I knew I had about five seconds to decide whether to approach her. As she wandered past, oblivious to my presence, I couldn\u2019t bring myself to call her name. There was too much history and pain there, and I couldn\u2019t think of anything to say. It was then that I had both the sinking realisation and profound acceptance that the friendship was truly over.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Friendship breakups are incredibly common \u2013 studies show that around <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/how-your-brain-reacts-to-friendship-breakup-11767205\"><span>70 per cent of close friendships end<\/span><\/a><span> after seven years \u2013 and yet there is little guidance available on how to navigate them. It\u2019s a stark contrast to the way breakdowns of romantic relationships are treated in culture; there are innumerable books, films, and TV shows dedicated to unpacking the pain of heartbreak (there\u2019s probably a <\/span><em><span>Sex and the City <\/span><\/em><span>episode for every flavour of dating turmoil imaginable).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>\u201cRomantic relationships have long been a central focus of psychological research, popular culture, counselling, and self-help literature; they are widely recognised as a life transition with established language, rituals \u2013 such as break-up conversations \u2013 and social norms around grieving and recovery,\u201d Dr Jenny van Hooff, a sociologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, tells Dazed. \u201cBy contrast, friendship breakups are often minimised or dismissed in both academic and everyday discourse, which means there is less culturally sanctioned language and fewer models for grieving them. As a result, people may struggle to validate their own pain.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"media-tiktok\" data-id=\"7302601534632676650\">\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>As a result, navigating a friendship breakup can be a disorienting experience. Krystal, 29, experienced the conflicting feelings following a recent friendship breakup. \u201cI didn\u2019t feel emotionally safe with her anymore, even though she had the best intentions,\u201d she says. \u201cAfter ending the friendship, I saw her outside a party. She came to talk to me, and she looked so sad. It made me feel sad [&#8230;] drawing boundaries is actually really hard, it makes you feel horrible. But if I forgive them and continue the friendship, that\u2019s self-betrayal.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Despite our culture being amatonormative \u2013 that is, romantic-relationship-centric \u2013 our friendships are central to our lives. \u201cClose friends often provide ongoing support, shared history, mutual trust, identity affirmation and a sense of belonging,\u201d says Dr van Hooff. \u201cWhen a friendship ends, it is not only the loss of contact with another person that hurts, but also the loss of routines, companionship and emotional scaffolding that the relationship provided.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>It doesn\u2019t help that we are taught to fight for our romantic relationships, but let go of our friendships at the first sign of trouble. In recent years, toxic pseudo-therapy-speak has become popular on TikTok, which tells you that all your friends are secretly jealous of you, everybody who you\u2019ve argued with is a narcissist, and that you must \u2018protect your peace\u2019 at all costs \u2013 meaning you must purge your friendship group at any sign of conflict until there is almost no one left. This kind of attitude, of course, often isn\u2019t conducive to a happier, healthier life.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<blockquote>\n<p><span>When a friendship ends, it is not only the loss of contact with another person that hurts, but also the loss of routines, companionship and emotional scaffolding that the relationship provided<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>\u201cUnlike some romantic breakups, friendship endings often happen without discussion (ghosting is common), leaving people with unresolved emotions and questions about why the connection dissolved,\u201d Dr van Hooff says. It can be a deeply dysregulating feeling, to no longer be able to share intimate parts of yourself with friends who once knew you better than anyone \u2013 and to experience a palpable void in your life that was once filled with their presence.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Nothing can take the sting out of a friendship breakup, but there are ways to make navigating them a little easier. Rick Cox, a psychodynamic psychotherapist focused on emotional patterns and relationships, suggests how to best approach our own difficult emotions. \u201cW<\/span><span>hat helps is shifting focus from \u2018why did this happen?\u2019 to \u2018what is this bringing up in me?\u2019,\u201d he says. This can include noticing feelings, how they show up in the body, and any pull toward self-criticism or avoidance. \u201cStaying with that experience, rather than resolving it too quickly, tends to restore a sense of internal steadiness,\u201d he continues. \u201cIf contact is possible, clarity is usually more regulating than silence. If not, the task becomes tolerating the lack of closure while gradually re-establishing a sense of self outside the relationship.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Sometimes, while painful in the short term, a friendship breakup can be for the best in the long term. Jasmine, 28, recently ended a long-term friendship due to opposing views. \u201cGrowing up with someone is such a blessing, but I don\u2019t think I ever took the time to think about whether we\u2019d be friends now if we\u2019d met,\u201d she explains. \u201cAfter time, I realised that she wasn\u2019t who I thought she was. I still miss her friendship now, but I\u2019m at peace with what happened.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"media-tiktok\" data-id=\"7536630659066907926\">\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>Healthy friendships are crucial to our well-being and require patience, maturity and some level of conflict-resolution. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/charli-xcx\">Charli xcx<\/a>\u2019s song \u201cGirl, So Confusing\u201d, she addressed her rumoured feud with Lorde by inviting the singer to \u2018work out\u2019 their issues on the remixed version of the song. This rare moment of vulnerability around women\u2019s broken friendships set the internet ablaze, as people across the world felt \u2018seen\u2019 by two influential women in pop discussing a topic so relatable yet rarely seen in pop culture narratives.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>We should be able to trust our own discernment when it comes to navigating difficult dynamics in friendship, with respect for ourselves as well as others, and be able to set necessary boundaries. But we should also deeply value our friendships, and those who show up for us with sincerity and love, without being so quick to throw them away over petty disagreements. It\u2019s a complicated line to tread. \u201cThere\u2019s encouragement to cast the dumped friend as a villain, but we are all responsible for all of our relationships,\u201d Dr Van Hooff says. \u201cWe should definitely be mindful that \u2018speaking our truth\u2019 may be incredibly damaging to the other person, and bear their well-being in mind too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"newsletter-inline-last\">\n<div class=\"newsletter-small\">\n<div class=\"inner\">\n<h1 class=\"newsletter-title\">Escape the algorithm! Get The Drop<\/h1>\n<div class=\"meta-row\">\n<p class=\"meta\">Get must-see stories direct to your inbox every weekday.<\/p>\n<p class=\"paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/privacy-policy\" class=\"meta-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\nPrivacy policy<br \/>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"confirmation\" aria-live=\"polite\">\n<p class=\"confirmation-title\">Thank you. 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Get The Drop<\/h1>\n<div class=\"meta-row\">\n<p class=\"meta\">Get must-see stories direct to your inbox every weekday.<\/p>\n<p class=\"paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/privacy-policy\" class=\"meta-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\nPrivacy policy<br \/>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"confirmation\" aria-live=\"polite\">\n<p class=\"confirmation-title\">Thank you. You have been subscribed<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/privacy-policy\" class=\"meta-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\nPrivacy policy<br \/>\n<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n<div class=\"article-body wrapper\">\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>A year and a half after we had stopped talking, I spotted a former friend at King\u2019s Cross station. She hadn\u2019t spotted me amid the crowds of tourists, and I knew I had about five seconds to decide whether to approach her. As she wandered past, oblivious to my presence, I couldn\u2019t bring myself to call her name. There was too much history and pain there, and I couldn\u2019t think of anything to say. It was then that I had both the sinking realisation and profound acceptance that the friendship was truly over.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Friendship breakups are incredibly common \u2013 studies show that around <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/how-your-brain-reacts-to-friendship-breakup-11767205\"><span>70 per cent of close friendships end<\/span><\/a><span> after seven years \u2013 and yet there is little guidance available on how to navigate them. It\u2019s a stark contrast to the way breakdowns of romantic relationships are treated in culture; there are innumerable books, films, and TV shows dedicated to unpacking the pain of heartbreak (there\u2019s probably a <\/span><em><span>Sex and the City <\/span><\/em><span>episode for every flavour of dating turmoil imaginable).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>\u201cRomantic relationships have long been a central focus of psychological research, popular culture, counselling, and self-help literature; they are widely recognised as a life transition with established language, rituals \u2013 such as break-up conversations \u2013 and social norms around grieving and recovery,\u201d Dr Jenny van Hooff, a sociologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, tells Dazed. \u201cBy contrast, friendship breakups are often minimised or dismissed in both academic and everyday discourse, which means there is less culturally sanctioned language and fewer models for grieving them. As a result, people may struggle to validate their own pain.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"media-tiktok\" data-id=\"7302601534632676650\">\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>As a result, navigating a friendship breakup can be a disorienting experience. Krystal, 29, experienced the conflicting feelings following a recent friendship breakup. \u201cI didn\u2019t feel emotionally safe with her anymore, even though she had the best intentions,\u201d she says. \u201cAfter ending the friendship, I saw her outside a party. She came to talk to me, and she looked so sad. It made me feel sad [&#8230;] drawing boundaries is actually really hard, it makes you feel horrible. But if I forgive them and continue the friendship, that\u2019s self-betrayal.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Despite our culture being amatonormative \u2013 that is, romantic-relationship-centric \u2013 our friendships are central to our lives. \u201cClose friends often provide ongoing support, shared history, mutual trust, identity affirmation and a sense of belonging,\u201d says Dr van Hooff. \u201cWhen a friendship ends, it is not only the loss of contact with another person that hurts, but also the loss of routines, companionship and emotional scaffolding that the relationship provided.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>It doesn\u2019t help that we are taught to fight for our romantic relationships, but let go of our friendships at the first sign of trouble. In recent years, toxic pseudo-therapy-speak has become popular on TikTok, which tells you that all your friends are secretly jealous of you, everybody who you\u2019ve argued with is a narcissist, and that you must \u2018protect your peace\u2019 at all costs \u2013 meaning you must purge your friendship group at any sign of conflict until there is almost no one left. This kind of attitude, of course, often isn\u2019t conducive to a happier, healthier life.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<blockquote>\n<p><span>When a friendship ends, it is not only the loss of contact with another person that hurts, but also the loss of routines, companionship and emotional scaffolding that the relationship provided<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>\u201cUnlike some romantic breakups, friendship endings often happen without discussion (ghosting is common), leaving people with unresolved emotions and questions about why the connection dissolved,\u201d Dr van Hooff says. It can be a deeply dysregulating feeling, to no longer be able to share intimate parts of yourself with friends who once knew you better than anyone \u2013 and to experience a palpable void in your life that was once filled with their presence.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Nothing can take the sting out of a friendship breakup, but there are ways to make navigating them a little easier. Rick Cox, a psychodynamic psychotherapist focused on emotional patterns and relationships, suggests how to best approach our own difficult emotions. \u201cW<\/span><span>hat helps is shifting focus from \u2018why did this happen?\u2019 to \u2018what is this bringing up in me?\u2019,\u201d he says. This can include noticing feelings, how they show up in the body, and any pull toward self-criticism or avoidance. \u201cStaying with that experience, rather than resolving it too quickly, tends to restore a sense of internal steadiness,\u201d he continues. \u201cIf contact is possible, clarity is usually more regulating than silence. If not, the task becomes tolerating the lack of closure while gradually re-establishing a sense of self outside the relationship.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Sometimes, while painful in the short term, a friendship breakup can be for the best in the long term. Jasmine, 28, recently ended a long-term friendship due to opposing views. \u201cGrowing up with someone is such a blessing, but I don\u2019t think I ever took the time to think about whether we\u2019d be friends now if we\u2019d met,\u201d she explains. \u201cAfter time, I realised that she wasn\u2019t who I thought she was. I still miss her friendship now, but I\u2019m at peace with what happened.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"media-tiktok\" data-id=\"7536630659066907926\">\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"embed-content\" data-embed-type=\"raw-html\">\n<p><span>Healthy friendships are crucial to our well-being and require patience, maturity and some level of conflict-resolution. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/charli-xcx\">Charli xcx<\/a>\u2019s song \u201cGirl, So Confusing\u201d, she addressed her rumoured feud with Lorde by inviting the singer to \u2018work out\u2019 their issues on the remixed version of the song. This rare moment of vulnerability around women\u2019s broken friendships set the internet ablaze, as people across the world felt \u2018seen\u2019 by two influential women in pop discussing a topic so relatable yet rarely seen in pop culture narratives.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>We should be able to trust our own discernment when it comes to navigating difficult dynamics in friendship, with respect for ourselves as well as others, and be able to set necessary boundaries. But we should also deeply value our friendships, and those who show up for us with sincerity and love, without being so quick to throw them away over petty disagreements. It\u2019s a complicated line to tread. \u201cThere\u2019s encouragement to cast the dumped friend as a villain, but we are all responsible for all of our relationships,\u201d Dr Van Hooff says. \u201cWe should definitely be mindful that \u2018speaking our truth\u2019 may be incredibly damaging to the other person, and bear their well-being in mind too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"newsletter-inline-last\">\n<div class=\"newsletter-small\">\n<div class=\"inner\">\n<h1 class=\"newsletter-title\">Escape the algorithm! Get The Drop<\/h1>\n<div class=\"meta-row\">\n<p class=\"meta\">Get must-see stories direct to your inbox every weekday.<\/p>\n<p class=\"paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/privacy-policy\" class=\"meta-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\nPrivacy policy<br \/>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"confirmation\" aria-live=\"polite\">\n<p class=\"confirmation-title\">Thank you. You have been subscribed<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/privacy-policy\" class=\"meta-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><br \/>\nPrivacy policy<br \/>\n<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>[analyse_source url=&#8221;https:\/\/www.dazeddigital.com\/life-culture\/article\/70047\/1\/why-do-friendship-breakups-hurt-so-much-painful-romantic-relationships-friends&#8221;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>[analyse_image type=&#8221;featured&#8221; src=&#8221;https:\/\/images-prod.dazeddigital.com\/1200\/0-0-1600-1066\/azure\/dazed-prod\/1440\/2\/1442983.jpg&#8221;] Girls April\u00a0 7,\u00a0 2026 Life &amp; Culture \/ Feature Life &amp; Culture \/ Feature Why do friendship breakups hurt so much? Our culture positions the breakdown of a romantic relationship as one of the most emotionally painful experiences a person can go through \u2013 but drifting apart from a long-term friend can [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[226,76],"class_list":["post-1869702","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics","tag-crawlmanager","tag-dazeddigital-com"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869702","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1869702"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869702\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1869702"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1869702"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1869702"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}