{"id":1683976,"date":"2026-01-29T12:57:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-29T09:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=1683976"},"modified":"2026-01-29T12:57:00","modified_gmt":"2026-01-29T09:57:00","slug":"lukita-maxwell-in-her-own-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/?p=1683976","title":{"rendered":"Lukita Maxwell, In Her Own Words"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n
\n
\n
\"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

The Next-Gen Issue<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Lukita Maxwell, In Her Own Words<\/h1>\n

The layers of self we carry, shed, and celebrate.<\/p>\n

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By<\/span>Lukita Maxwell<\/span><\/div>\n
Published on January 29, 2026 07:57AM<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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There\u2019s a ratty cat stuffed animal that I still have from childhood. I don\u2019t remember where I got it. It was most likely a Savers find or from the basement bin of toys at my paternal grandma\u2019s house. At 8 years old, I named this stuffed animal Alicia Markova. I had just watched a documentary on The Ballets Russes, my mama\u2019s weekly library DVD find for me, and I was just as enamored with the sound of Alicia\u2019s name as I was with her dancing. Ah-LEE-see-ah Mar-COVE-ah. A four\u2013three. A good syllabic balance. I\u2019m a three\u2013two. Loo-KEE-tah MAK-swel.\n<\/p>\n

\n
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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top and skirt, Orchard Corsets corset, Stylist\u2019s own tiara and Lukita\u2019s own shoes.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My mama put me in ballet classes starting at the age of 3. My childhood was nomadic, but my mom always found a ballet studio for me. Bali at 5, tumbling out of class happily barefoot, mossy lava rocks, and the scooter ride home smelled like WD-40. Massachusetts at 8, watching other dancers slip on their perfect pink Uggs while I struggled to zip up my confusingly oversize parka that had \u201croom to grow into.\u201d Utah at 10, mama picking me up in grandma\u2019s old Cadillac DeVille equipped with nori snacks and boiled eggs ready to be devoured.\n<\/p>\n

\n
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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top and skirt, Orchard Corsets corset, Stylist\u2019s own tiara and Lukita\u2019s own shoes.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cSaint George, Utah<\/em>\u201d is often the response I\u2019ll hear myself say when a stranger asks me where I\u2019m from. Much of my time in that town was spent in a ballet studio with my teacher, Ben\u00e9 Arnold. Ben\u00e9 was in her late 70s. She was one of those electric humans whose energy was not bound by physical age or by the attitude of the conservative town. We had the same affinities for elongating movements so they bled into one, for defining the line the arm makes from the shoulder to the tip of the middle finger, and for the jumps that achieved the illusion of weightlessness, ballon<\/em>.\n<\/p>\n

\n
\"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Ballet, the sport of perfectionism. Crisp costumes, fluid choreography, sharp makeup, posture, and breath. The sweet drip of a good day only entering your body if you turned at least thrice or hit your arabesque <\/em>like a held breath. I was hard on myself, took it seriously, and compared myself often to the girls in the 2011 documentary, First Position<\/em>. Ballet, a system of controllable variables. The addicting, energetic pulse when you feel good at something. I liked feeling like I was good at something. There wasn\u2019t room for error, but I wasn\u2019t erring often. I was dutifully obeying the ballet rulebook, I really wanted to be \u201cthe best.\u201d Before I had met Ben\u00e9, my perception of \u201cthe best\u201d was tethered to technical proficiency.\n<\/p>\n

Ben\u00e9 introduced an element of artistry to my relationship with ballet. When to respect its rigidity of principle and when I could take the liberty of making movements mine<\/em>. \u201cStay in pli\u00e9<\/em> until the last second of your rond de jambe<\/em>,\u201d \u201cchange the music\u2019s accent to the \u2018up\u2019 instead of \u2018down\u2019 on your saut\u00e9<\/em>,\u201d \u201chold, hold, hold the last breath of that pirouette<\/em>.\u201d Through variations, I started to play with emotion in my movements in The Sleeping Beauty\u2019s<\/em> Bluebird, joyous and bright; Giselle<\/em>\u2019s Myrtha, ghostly and somber; and Paquita<\/em>, sharp and eye-catching. I was storytelling. I loved it.\n<\/p>\n

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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance dress and J.R. Malpere headpiece.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Recently, I found my journal from around that time, and much of my scribbled handwriting is a declaration of love for performing, and specifically performing in a company. I loved watching a stage crew puppeteer their ropes and pulleys, stretching with older dancers before a show, and hearing the orchestra tune their instruments. I wrote that I loved rehearsing smaller dance numbers for months that culminated in one greater performance. Breathing with an ensemble of artists maintains my roots. I feel nourished when I see a visual deck for a film, when observing a camera crew set up a shot, and when I hear what music has been paired with a finished scene. Being a breath in a greater lung. It\u2019s comforting.\n<\/p>\n

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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance dress and J.R. Malpere headpiece.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

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\"line\"\"line\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n
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\"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Early October 2013, Southern Utah University.<\/em>
I\u2019m standing at the head of a classroom facing 15 or so high schoolers and one adult. The adjudicator. I just learned what \u201cadjudicator\u201d meant. They\u2019re all about to watch me perform a monologue from <\/em>Henry VI: Part III. Queen Margaret. A grieving mother holding the body of her son in her arms, crying in anguish to the men who killed him: \u201cO traitors! Murderers!\u201d I\u2019m 11. I feel magnificently small in my thrifted cargo pants and sneakers, my style utilitarian, always. All the older kids in the room are costumed in crunchy red velvet Elizabethan collars, holding skulls, sceptres, or swords. The adjudicator asks me what I\u2019ll be performing, and I hear myself answer. There\u2019s a density to the air around my ears, a fog. I realize I\u2019m shaking. I hadn\u2019t felt this when I rehearsed the monologue with Miss Colleen, a mom from my homeschooling group. Miss Colleen is why I\u2019m here in the first place.<\/em><\/p>\n

After noticing my literary intrigue about Shakespeare a few weeks ago, she\u2019d asked if I\u2019d want to \u201cact\u201d and perform a monologue at the Utah Shakespeare Festival. It sounded fun to me. The only Shakespeare I\u2019ve ever seen was Emma Watson performing a monologue from <\/em>A Midsummer Night\u2019s Dream (Puck\u2019s \u201c<\/em>I am that merry wanderer of the night\u201d) in the 2007 film <\/em>Ballet Shoes. I love that movie so much. When Miss Colleen asked me what I wanted to perform, I told her I wanted to do Puck. She told me I needed something juicier. So here I am, performing Queen Margaret in cargo pants.<\/em><\/p>\n

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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. jacket, collar and crown, Renaissance Renaissance skirt, Calzedonia hosiery and Jude shoes.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The shaking is most apparent in my hands. I bind them together behind my back and let my fingers pick at themselves. The adjudicator finishes writing something, he looks up and says, shortly, \u201cGo ahead.\u201d Miss Colleen told me to take my time before I began speaking. To visualize where I am, who I\u2019m speaking to, and what I want. My hands unclasp, I look down to my imaginary son, and as I say, \u201cOh Ned, sweet Ned,\u201d the fog around my ears becomes a sort of protection. I know the words, I\u2019m performing them well.<\/em>Well enough to win my category. I\u2019ve never won first place for anything before.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n
\"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

The fog, a timely friend, has often found me when I perform. On set, if I\u2019m prepared and I\u2019ve run my lines, the fog acts as a medicine to my anxieties. I find its density correlated with the weight of a scene; it becomes more opaque the heavier the material. It\u2019s only penetrable if I\u2019m unsure of a line or lost on the meaning of a scene. Also, when my scene partner is funny. Sometimes, then, the sweet fog wanes. When we shot Season 1 of Shrinking<\/em>, I remember Jason [Segel] telling me he feels the most comfortable between \u201caction\u201dand \u201ccut.\u201d When the fog is pouring out my ears, embracing me, that\u2019s also how I feel.\n<\/p>\n

I have this recurring nightmare where I\u2019m in the wings of a stage, rosining my pointe shoes. I realize that I\u2019ve completely forgotten my choreography. I step on stage and look out into a cavity of darkness that quickly animates itself into a full house audience. The music starts, I begin dancing, and it\u2019s all improvised movement, painfully aimless. Every so often, I glance to the audience, and it\u2019ll be emptier and emptier until there is only a void. There\u2019s another dream that takes place on a set, and often it\u2019s in Jimmy and Alice\u2019s kitchen [from the set of Shrinking<\/em>] on the Warner Bros. lot. In the dream, I hear action called and everything I\u2019ve ever known about acting abandons my mind. I can\u2019t remember my line. Jason will say his<\/em> line, I\u2019ll ad-lib, and to my surprise, whatever I improvise works. I hear laughs from behind the monitor. They call cut, say we\u2019re going for another take, and the dialogue runs back to me.\n<\/p>\n

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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. jacket and collar.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Being an actor has affirmed my need to embrace unknowns, to listen, and to stay curious. Magical, essentially spiritual, moments happen on set when something unscripted happens. There\u2019s a brief pit in your stomach, the fog is loudly absent, but somehow, you can catch ephemeral energy in your hand. It\u2019s hard for me to let go. I\u2019m a thinker, an overthinker much of the time. My therapist tells me I\u2019m burdened with awareness. She says it\u2019s an artist\u2019s trait.\n<\/p>\n

\n
\"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

As a kid, ballet was my first practice. Practice in the name of a sure, nearly prophetic outcome. Now, my goal is less tangible. I think it\u2019s more of a practice in process. I\u2019m trying to throw shit against the wall to see if it\u2019ll stick more often. I\u2019m trying to ruminate less on the unknowns and just make. A couple of years ago, I overheard someone say there\u2019s no one more insufferable than an artist not putting their art into the world. I don\u2019t want to be that artist.\n<\/p>\n

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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top, skirt, and shoes, Intimissimi bra, Western Costume Co. hat, Miss Claire Sullivan arm cuffs.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

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\n
\"line\"\"line\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

Pi\u00b7er\u00b7rot<\/em><\/strong> \/\u02c8<\/em>
p\u0113\u0259\u02ccr\u014d\/<\/em>
noun – French<\/em>
clown character in traditional pantomime, with a sad painted face, a loose costume, and a pointed hat. The archetype of artistic alienation, unrequited love, and the masked self.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n
\"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

When I first started acting, I was more drawn to dramatic characters, ones that felt vulnerable, ones that let you watch them think. Worlds of comedy seem to have found me, specifically with Generation<\/em> and Shrinking<\/em>. I\u2019ve tried to play my characters, Delilah [Generation<\/em>] and Alice [Shrinking<\/em>], from places of vulnerability and honesty. I don\u2019t know how to approach a scene \u201cbeing funny.\u201d I just try to understand the present circumstances through my character\u2019s eyes and be guided by their intuition. I don\u2019t know which is more vulnerable, tragedy or comedy. I think the mask of comedy is the same as the mask of tragedy. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s better to wear the mask or to strive to take it off. Shrinking<\/em> is categorized as a dramedy. It\u2019s a balancing act of an entire spectrum of emotion and being. Playing Alice has been my front-row seat to countless examples of that tightrope walk.\n<\/p>\n

Season 1, witnessing Harrison [Ford] captivate not only the cast and crew but also the camera. He has a sustained and powerful relationship with the camera. Season 2, sitting across from Jason in the set kitchen, and we\u2019re shooting a scene for the finale. He\u2019s apologizing to me for failing as a father. He says the lines, take after take, and somehow, it\u2019s different every time. He\u2019s brilliant at catching the ephemeral moments, listening to them, and letting them infuse his performance. Season 3, hiding on the kitchen staircase, watching Gaby [played by Jessica Williams] plead with Louis [played by Brett Goldstein] to move on. She\u2019s brave, funny, and undeniably great. When I think of my times on the set of Shrinking<\/em>, there\u2019s an ever-calcifying gratitude in my body that I feel will continue growing with time.\n<\/p>\n

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\"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

After Generation<\/em>, my post-wrap ritual has been bleaching my eyebrows. It\u2019s something small that makes me feel in control of my appearance, especially after spending weeks or months playing a character. After camera wraps and I\u2019ve said goodbye, I\u2019ll get in my car and stop at the beauty store to pick up bleach and developer. The next morning, I\u2019ll wake up with raw skin around my brows and an itch to find the next thing<\/em>. Often, I want the next thing<\/em> to be a personal photo project, to get cast in an indie film, or to write. Usually, the next thing<\/em> is press. Along with most of my actor comrades, I find press an attempt to wear an ill-fitting mask. It doesn\u2019t feel like a mask fit to you, or to your character, but maybe one that\u2019s an amalgam of both? I\u2019m unsure whether people have wanted to see me as me<\/em> or as my character. Speaking through this mask, how do you concisely define the energy of an entire shoot? How to be smart, likeable, and interesting, and do it all rapid-fire and purportedly off the top of your head (the latter is hard. I\u2019m an overthinker, remember?). In the past, my answers have felt either laconic or uncomfortably earnest. An insecure, detrimental thought of the past has been that maybe being \u201cmyself\u201d is not what\u2019s best to promote a project.\n<\/p>\n

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\"Twopart\"Twopart<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. Pierrot suit, J.R. Malpere hat and collar, Falke tights and Repetto shoes.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

After we wrapped Season 2 of Shrinking<\/em>, I left for London for the summer. My intention was to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, grieve a breakup, and find a sense of self again. Earlier that year, I had applied to RADA\u2019s Shakespeare acting program in a reaching attempt to reconnect with my childhood affinity. I wanted to connect with a true sense of play<\/em> without perception anxiety. In London, I was alone for the first time in a long time. There were many hours spent unsure of how they should be spent. I walked a lot and wrote a lot and read a lot of Shakespeare. It was a simple and nourishing time for my spirit. Coming home felt like a gentle revelation. I was more secure in my opinions and tastes. I could finally answer questions about myself without bothering to assuage the inquirer. I know this has to do with getting older, but revisiting the interests of my younger self was a catalyst.\n<\/p>\n

\n
\"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

My favorite word when I was 12 was \u201cobsequious\u201d for no other reason than the way it sounded. It rang perfectly in my head. I named my goldfish Obsidian because I wanted to hear some of those aural patterns more often. I vaguely knew what the word meant, but paid it no attention.\n<\/p>\n

Ob\u00b7se\u00b7qui\u00b7ous<\/em><\/strong> \/\u0259b\u02c8<\/em>
s\u0113kw\u0113\u0259s\/<\/em>
adjective<\/em>
Obedient or attentive to an excessive degree.<\/em><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to be obsequious. I don\u2019t need to say a lot, but what I will say will be with intention. I\u2019ll take my time. I\u2019m accepting the process more. I\u2019m more comfortable saying \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d I\u2019m sure the clown in me will roll her eyes at the ballerina, and the actor will stand by, in observation. They\u2019re all curious entities chasing the next thing<\/em>, maybe a photo project, maybe an indie film, or maybe to write. I\u2019m more comfortable with wearing a mask, even an ill-fitting one, and with taking it off. I\u2019m sure I\u2019m wearing one now, writing this piece. Whatever mask, my fidelity to curiosity won\u2019t change.\n<\/p>\n

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\"Portrait\"Portrait<\/div>\n<\/div>
<\/p>\n

Luke Lovell. J.R. Malpere collar.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

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\n

Editor in Chief:<\/strong> Hallie Gould<\/p>\n

Photographer:<\/strong> Luke Lovell<\/p>\n

Directors:<\/strong> Ben South + Eric Michael Roy<\/p>\n

Makeup:<\/strong> Jo Baker<\/p>\n

Hair:<\/strong> Kelly Peach<\/p>\n

Nails:<\/strong> Eri Ishizu<\/p>\n

Stylist:<\/strong> Ryan Young<\/p>\n

Set Designer:<\/strong> Amy Jo Diaz<\/p>\n

DP:<\/strong> Sam Grant<\/p>\n

AC:<\/strong> Jake Deverian<\/p>\n

Fashion Assistants: <\/strong>Elena Lark, Sophia Ozan, Ashley Weiler-Sandoval and Siena Skye<\/p>\n

Beauty Direction:<\/strong> Hallie Gould<\/p>\n

Creative Director:<\/strong> Jenna Brillhart<\/p>\n

Photo Director:<\/strong> Kelly Chiello<\/p>\n

Social Director:<\/strong> Star Donaldson<\/p>\n

Social Editor:<\/strong> Araziel Jackson<\/p>\n

Talent Booker:<\/strong> Jason Sheeler<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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        <\/main><\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        The Next-Gen Issue<\/span><\/p>\n

        \n

        Lukita Maxwell, In Her Own Words<\/h1>\n

        The layers of self we carry, shed, and celebrate.<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \n
        By<\/span>Lukita Maxwell<\/span><\/div>\n
        Published on January 29, 2026 07:57AM<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
        \n
        \n

        There\u2019s a ratty cat stuffed animal that I still have from childhood. I don\u2019t remember where I got it. It was most likely a Savers find or from the basement bin of toys at my paternal grandma\u2019s house. At 8 years old, I named this stuffed animal Alicia Markova. I had just watched a documentary on The Ballets Russes, my mama\u2019s weekly library DVD find for me, and I was just as enamored with the sound of Alicia\u2019s name as I was with her dancing. Ah-LEE-see-ah Mar-COVE-ah. A four\u2013three. A good syllabic balance. I\u2019m a three\u2013two. Loo-KEE-tah MAK-swel.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top and skirt, Orchard Corsets corset, Stylist\u2019s own tiara and Lukita\u2019s own shoes.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        My mama put me in ballet classes starting at the age of 3. My childhood was nomadic, but my mom always found a ballet studio for me. Bali at 5, tumbling out of class happily barefoot, mossy lava rocks, and the scooter ride home smelled like WD-40. Massachusetts at 8, watching other dancers slip on their perfect pink Uggs while I struggled to zip up my confusingly oversize parka that had \u201croom to grow into.\u201d Utah at 10, mama picking me up in grandma\u2019s old Cadillac DeVille equipped with nori snacks and boiled eggs ready to be devoured.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top and skirt, Orchard Corsets corset, Stylist\u2019s own tiara and Lukita\u2019s own shoes.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        \u201cSaint George, Utah<\/em>\u201d is often the response I\u2019ll hear myself say when a stranger asks me where I\u2019m from. Much of my time in that town was spent in a ballet studio with my teacher, Ben\u00e9 Arnold. Ben\u00e9 was in her late 70s. She was one of those electric humans whose energy was not bound by physical age or by the attitude of the conservative town. We had the same affinities for elongating movements so they bled into one, for defining the line the arm makes from the shoulder to the tip of the middle finger, and for the jumps that achieved the illusion of weightlessness, ballon<\/em>.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        Ballet, the sport of perfectionism. Crisp costumes, fluid choreography, sharp makeup, posture, and breath. The sweet drip of a good day only entering your body if you turned at least thrice or hit your arabesque <\/em>like a held breath. I was hard on myself, took it seriously, and compared myself often to the girls in the 2011 documentary, First Position<\/em>. Ballet, a system of controllable variables. The addicting, energetic pulse when you feel good at something. I liked feeling like I was good at something. There wasn\u2019t room for error, but I wasn\u2019t erring often. I was dutifully obeying the ballet rulebook, I really wanted to be \u201cthe best.\u201d Before I had met Ben\u00e9, my perception of \u201cthe best\u201d was tethered to technical proficiency.\n<\/p>\n

        Ben\u00e9 introduced an element of artistry to my relationship with ballet. When to respect its rigidity of principle and when I could take the liberty of making movements mine<\/em>. \u201cStay in pli\u00e9<\/em> until the last second of your rond de jambe<\/em>,\u201d \u201cchange the music\u2019s accent to the \u2018up\u2019 instead of \u2018down\u2019 on your saut\u00e9<\/em>,\u201d \u201chold, hold, hold the last breath of that pirouette<\/em>.\u201d Through variations, I started to play with emotion in my movements in The Sleeping Beauty\u2019s<\/em> Bluebird, joyous and bright; Giselle<\/em>\u2019s Myrtha, ghostly and somber; and Paquita<\/em>, sharp and eye-catching. I was storytelling. I loved it.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance dress and J.R. Malpere headpiece.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        Recently, I found my journal from around that time, and much of my scribbled handwriting is a declaration of love for performing, and specifically performing in a company. I loved watching a stage crew puppeteer their ropes and pulleys, stretching with older dancers before a show, and hearing the orchestra tune their instruments. I wrote that I loved rehearsing smaller dance numbers for months that culminated in one greater performance. Breathing with an ensemble of artists maintains my roots. I feel nourished when I see a visual deck for a film, when observing a camera crew set up a shot, and when I hear what music has been paired with a finished scene. Being a breath in a greater lung. It\u2019s comforting.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance dress and J.R. Malpere headpiece.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"line\"\"line\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n
        \n
        \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        Early October 2013, Southern Utah University.<\/em>
        I\u2019m standing at the head of a classroom facing 15 or so high schoolers and one adult. The adjudicator. I just learned what \u201cadjudicator\u201d meant. They\u2019re all about to watch me perform a monologue from <\/em>Henry VI: Part III. Queen Margaret. A grieving mother holding the body of her son in her arms, crying in anguish to the men who killed him: \u201cO traitors! Murderers!\u201d I\u2019m 11. I feel magnificently small in my thrifted cargo pants and sneakers, my style utilitarian, always. All the older kids in the room are costumed in crunchy red velvet Elizabethan collars, holding skulls, sceptres, or swords. The adjudicator asks me what I\u2019ll be performing, and I hear myself answer. There\u2019s a density to the air around my ears, a fog. I realize I\u2019m shaking. I hadn\u2019t felt this when I rehearsed the monologue with Miss Colleen, a mom from my homeschooling group. Miss Colleen is why I\u2019m here in the first place.<\/em><\/p>\n

        After noticing my literary intrigue about Shakespeare a few weeks ago, she\u2019d asked if I\u2019d want to \u201cact\u201d and perform a monologue at the Utah Shakespeare Festival. It sounded fun to me. The only Shakespeare I\u2019ve ever seen was Emma Watson performing a monologue from <\/em>A Midsummer Night\u2019s Dream (Puck\u2019s \u201c<\/em>I am that merry wanderer of the night\u201d) in the 2007 film <\/em>Ballet Shoes. I love that movie so much. When Miss Colleen asked me what I wanted to perform, I told her I wanted to do Puck. She told me I needed something juicier. So here I am, performing Queen Margaret in cargo pants.<\/em><\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. jacket, collar and crown, Renaissance Renaissance skirt, Calzedonia hosiery and Jude shoes.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        The shaking is most apparent in my hands. I bind them together behind my back and let my fingers pick at themselves. The adjudicator finishes writing something, he looks up and says, shortly, \u201cGo ahead.\u201d Miss Colleen told me to take my time before I began speaking. To visualize where I am, who I\u2019m speaking to, and what I want. My hands unclasp, I look down to my imaginary son, and as I say, \u201cOh Ned, sweet Ned,\u201d the fog around my ears becomes a sort of protection. I know the words, I\u2019m performing them well.<\/em>Well enough to win my category. I\u2019ve never won first place for anything before.<\/em><\/p>\n

        \n
        \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        The fog, a timely friend, has often found me when I perform. On set, if I\u2019m prepared and I\u2019ve run my lines, the fog acts as a medicine to my anxieties. I find its density correlated with the weight of a scene; it becomes more opaque the heavier the material. It\u2019s only penetrable if I\u2019m unsure of a line or lost on the meaning of a scene. Also, when my scene partner is funny. Sometimes, then, the sweet fog wanes. When we shot Season 1 of Shrinking<\/em>, I remember Jason [Segel] telling me he feels the most comfortable between \u201caction\u201dand \u201ccut.\u201d When the fog is pouring out my ears, embracing me, that\u2019s also how I feel.\n<\/p>\n

        I have this recurring nightmare where I\u2019m in the wings of a stage, rosining my pointe shoes. I realize that I\u2019ve completely forgotten my choreography. I step on stage and look out into a cavity of darkness that quickly animates itself into a full house audience. The music starts, I begin dancing, and it\u2019s all improvised movement, painfully aimless. Every so often, I glance to the audience, and it\u2019ll be emptier and emptier until there is only a void. There\u2019s another dream that takes place on a set, and often it\u2019s in Jimmy and Alice\u2019s kitchen [from the set of Shrinking<\/em>] on the Warner Bros. lot. In the dream, I hear action called and everything I\u2019ve ever known about acting abandons my mind. I can\u2019t remember my line. Jason will say his<\/em> line, I\u2019ll ad-lib, and to my surprise, whatever I improvise works. I hear laughs from behind the monitor. They call cut, say we\u2019re going for another take, and the dialogue runs back to me.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. jacket and collar.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        Being an actor has affirmed my need to embrace unknowns, to listen, and to stay curious. Magical, essentially spiritual, moments happen on set when something unscripted happens. There\u2019s a brief pit in your stomach, the fog is loudly absent, but somehow, you can catch ephemeral energy in your hand. It\u2019s hard for me to let go. I\u2019m a thinker, an overthinker much of the time. My therapist tells me I\u2019m burdened with awareness. She says it\u2019s an artist\u2019s trait.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        As a kid, ballet was my first practice. Practice in the name of a sure, nearly prophetic outcome. Now, my goal is less tangible. I think it\u2019s more of a practice in process. I\u2019m trying to throw shit against the wall to see if it\u2019ll stick more often. I\u2019m trying to ruminate less on the unknowns and just make. A couple of years ago, I overheard someone say there\u2019s no one more insufferable than an artist not putting their art into the world. I don\u2019t want to be that artist.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top, skirt, and shoes, Intimissimi bra, Western Costume Co. hat, Miss Claire Sullivan arm cuffs.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"line\"\"line\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

        Pi\u00b7er\u00b7rot<\/em><\/strong> \/\u02c8<\/em>
        p\u0113\u0259\u02ccr\u014d\/<\/em>
        noun – French<\/em>
        clown character in traditional pantomime, with a sad painted face, a loose costume, and a pointed hat. The archetype of artistic alienation, unrequited love, and the masked self.<\/em><\/p>\n

        \n
        \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        When I first started acting, I was more drawn to dramatic characters, ones that felt vulnerable, ones that let you watch them think. Worlds of comedy seem to have found me, specifically with Generation<\/em> and Shrinking<\/em>. I\u2019ve tried to play my characters, Delilah [Generation<\/em>] and Alice [Shrinking<\/em>], from places of vulnerability and honesty. I don\u2019t know how to approach a scene \u201cbeing funny.\u201d I just try to understand the present circumstances through my character\u2019s eyes and be guided by their intuition. I don\u2019t know which is more vulnerable, tragedy or comedy. I think the mask of comedy is the same as the mask of tragedy. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s better to wear the mask or to strive to take it off. Shrinking<\/em> is categorized as a dramedy. It\u2019s a balancing act of an entire spectrum of emotion and being. Playing Alice has been my front-row seat to countless examples of that tightrope walk.\n<\/p>\n

        Season 1, witnessing Harrison [Ford] captivate not only the cast and crew but also the camera. He has a sustained and powerful relationship with the camera. Season 2, sitting across from Jason in the set kitchen, and we\u2019re shooting a scene for the finale. He\u2019s apologizing to me for failing as a father. He says the lines, take after take, and somehow, it\u2019s different every time. He\u2019s brilliant at catching the ephemeral moments, listening to them, and letting them infuse his performance. Season 3, hiding on the kitchen staircase, watching Gaby [played by Jessica Williams] plead with Louis [played by Brett Goldstein] to move on. She\u2019s brave, funny, and undeniably great. When I think of my times on the set of Shrinking<\/em>, there\u2019s an ever-calcifying gratitude in my body that I feel will continue growing with time.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        After Generation<\/em>, my post-wrap ritual has been bleaching my eyebrows. It\u2019s something small that makes me feel in control of my appearance, especially after spending weeks or months playing a character. After camera wraps and I\u2019ve said goodbye, I\u2019ll get in my car and stop at the beauty store to pick up bleach and developer. The next morning, I\u2019ll wake up with raw skin around my brows and an itch to find the next thing<\/em>. Often, I want the next thing<\/em> to be a personal photo project, to get cast in an indie film, or to write. Usually, the next thing<\/em> is press. Along with most of my actor comrades, I find press an attempt to wear an ill-fitting mask. It doesn\u2019t feel like a mask fit to you, or to your character, but maybe one that\u2019s an amalgam of both? I\u2019m unsure whether people have wanted to see me as me<\/em> or as my character. Speaking through this mask, how do you concisely define the energy of an entire shoot? How to be smart, likeable, and interesting, and do it all rapid-fire and purportedly off the top of your head (the latter is hard. I\u2019m an overthinker, remember?). In the past, my answers have felt either laconic or uncomfortably earnest. An insecure, detrimental thought of the past has been that maybe being \u201cmyself\u201d is not what\u2019s best to promote a project.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Twopart\"Twopart<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. Pierrot suit, J.R. Malpere hat and collar, Falke tights and Repetto shoes.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        After we wrapped Season 2 of Shrinking<\/em>, I left for London for the summer. My intention was to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, grieve a breakup, and find a sense of self again. Earlier that year, I had applied to RADA\u2019s Shakespeare acting program in a reaching attempt to reconnect with my childhood affinity. I wanted to connect with a true sense of play<\/em> without perception anxiety. In London, I was alone for the first time in a long time. There were many hours spent unsure of how they should be spent. I walked a lot and wrote a lot and read a lot of Shakespeare. It was a simple and nourishing time for my spirit. Coming home felt like a gentle revelation. I was more secure in my opinions and tastes. I could finally answer questions about myself without bothering to assuage the inquirer. I know this has to do with getting older, but revisiting the interests of my younger self was a catalyst.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        My favorite word when I was 12 was \u201cobsequious\u201d for no other reason than the way it sounded. It rang perfectly in my head. I named my goldfish Obsidian because I wanted to hear some of those aural patterns more often. I vaguely knew what the word meant, but paid it no attention.\n<\/p>\n

        Ob\u00b7se\u00b7qui\u00b7ous<\/em><\/strong> \/\u0259b\u02c8<\/em>
        s\u0113kw\u0113\u0259s\/<\/em>
        adjective<\/em>
        Obedient or attentive to an excessive degree.<\/em><\/p>\n

        I don\u2019t want to be obsequious. I don\u2019t need to say a lot, but what I will say will be with intention. I\u2019ll take my time. I\u2019m accepting the process more. I\u2019m more comfortable saying \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d I\u2019m sure the clown in me will roll her eyes at the ballerina, and the actor will stand by, in observation. They\u2019re all curious entities chasing the next thing<\/em>, maybe a photo project, maybe an indie film, or maybe to write. I\u2019m more comfortable with wearing a mask, even an ill-fitting one, and with taking it off. I\u2019m sure I\u2019m wearing one now, writing this piece. Whatever mask, my fidelity to curiosity won\u2019t change.\n<\/p>\n

        \n
        \n
        \"Portrait\"Portrait<\/div>\n<\/div>
        <\/p>\n

        Luke Lovell. J.R. Malpere collar.<\/p>\n

        <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

        \n
        \n

        Editor in Chief:<\/strong> Hallie Gould<\/p>\n

        Photographer:<\/strong> Luke Lovell<\/p>\n

        Directors:<\/strong> Ben South + Eric Michael Roy<\/p>\n

        Makeup:<\/strong> Jo Baker<\/p>\n

        Hair:<\/strong> Kelly Peach<\/p>\n

        Nails:<\/strong> Eri Ishizu<\/p>\n

        Stylist:<\/strong> Ryan Young<\/p>\n

        Set Designer:<\/strong> Amy Jo Diaz<\/p>\n

        DP:<\/strong> Sam Grant<\/p>\n

        AC:<\/strong> Jake Deverian<\/p>\n

        Fashion Assistants: <\/strong>Elena Lark, Sophia Ozan, Ashley Weiler-Sandoval and Siena Skye<\/p>\n

        Beauty Direction:<\/strong> Hallie Gould<\/p>\n

        Creative Director:<\/strong> Jenna Brillhart<\/p>\n

        Photo Director:<\/strong> Kelly Chiello<\/p>\n

        Social Director:<\/strong> Star Donaldson<\/p>\n

        Social Editor:<\/strong> Araziel Jackson<\/p>\n

        Talent Booker:<\/strong> Jason Sheeler<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

        \n
        Read more:<\/div>\n
          \n
        • News<\/span><\/li>\n
        • Celebrities<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n<\/article>\n
          \n

          There\u2019s a ratty cat stuffed animal that I still have from childhood. I don\u2019t remember where I got it. It was most likely a Savers find or from the basement bin of toys at my paternal grandma\u2019s house. At 8 years old, I named this stuffed animal Alicia Markova. I had just watched a documentary on The Ballets Russes, my mama\u2019s weekly library DVD find for me, and I was just as enamored with the sound of Alicia\u2019s name as I was with her dancing. Ah-LEE-see-ah Mar-COVE-ah. A four\u2013three. A good syllabic balance. I\u2019m a three\u2013two. Loo-KEE-tah MAK-swel.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top and skirt, Orchard Corsets corset, Stylist\u2019s own tiara and Lukita\u2019s own shoes.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          My mama put me in ballet classes starting at the age of 3. My childhood was nomadic, but my mom always found a ballet studio for me. Bali at 5, tumbling out of class happily barefoot, mossy lava rocks, and the scooter ride home smelled like WD-40. Massachusetts at 8, watching other dancers slip on their perfect pink Uggs while I struggled to zip up my confusingly oversize parka that had \u201croom to grow into.\u201d Utah at 10, mama picking me up in grandma\u2019s old Cadillac DeVille equipped with nori snacks and boiled eggs ready to be devoured.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top and skirt, Orchard Corsets corset, Stylist\u2019s own tiara and Lukita\u2019s own shoes.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          \u201cSaint George, Utah<\/em>\u201d is often the response I\u2019ll hear myself say when a stranger asks me where I\u2019m from. Much of my time in that town was spent in a ballet studio with my teacher, Ben\u00e9 Arnold. Ben\u00e9 was in her late 70s. She was one of those electric humans whose energy was not bound by physical age or by the attitude of the conservative town. We had the same affinities for elongating movements so they bled into one, for defining the line the arm makes from the shoulder to the tip of the middle finger, and for the jumps that achieved the illusion of weightlessness, ballon<\/em>.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

          Ballet, the sport of perfectionism. Crisp costumes, fluid choreography, sharp makeup, posture, and breath. The sweet drip of a good day only entering your body if you turned at least thrice or hit your arabesque <\/em>like a held breath. I was hard on myself, took it seriously, and compared myself often to the girls in the 2011 documentary, First Position<\/em>. Ballet, a system of controllable variables. The addicting, energetic pulse when you feel good at something. I liked feeling like I was good at something. There wasn\u2019t room for error, but I wasn\u2019t erring often. I was dutifully obeying the ballet rulebook, I really wanted to be \u201cthe best.\u201d Before I had met Ben\u00e9, my perception of \u201cthe best\u201d was tethered to technical proficiency.\n<\/p>\n

          Ben\u00e9 introduced an element of artistry to my relationship with ballet. When to respect its rigidity of principle and when I could take the liberty of making movements mine<\/em>. \u201cStay in pli\u00e9<\/em> until the last second of your rond de jambe<\/em>,\u201d \u201cchange the music\u2019s accent to the \u2018up\u2019 instead of \u2018down\u2019 on your saut\u00e9<\/em>,\u201d \u201chold, hold, hold the last breath of that pirouette<\/em>.\u201d Through variations, I started to play with emotion in my movements in The Sleeping Beauty\u2019s<\/em> Bluebird, joyous and bright; Giselle<\/em>\u2019s Myrtha, ghostly and somber; and Paquita<\/em>, sharp and eye-catching. I was storytelling. I loved it.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance dress and J.R. Malpere headpiece.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          Recently, I found my journal from around that time, and much of my scribbled handwriting is a declaration of love for performing, and specifically performing in a company. I loved watching a stage crew puppeteer their ropes and pulleys, stretching with older dancers before a show, and hearing the orchestra tune their instruments. I wrote that I loved rehearsing smaller dance numbers for months that culminated in one greater performance. Breathing with an ensemble of artists maintains my roots. I feel nourished when I see a visual deck for a film, when observing a camera crew set up a shot, and when I hear what music has been paired with a finished scene. Being a breath in a greater lung. It\u2019s comforting.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance dress and J.R. Malpere headpiece.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"line\"\"line\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n
          \n
          \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

          Early October 2013, Southern Utah University.<\/em>
          I\u2019m standing at the head of a classroom facing 15 or so high schoolers and one adult. The adjudicator. I just learned what \u201cadjudicator\u201d meant. They\u2019re all about to watch me perform a monologue from <\/em>Henry VI: Part III. Queen Margaret. A grieving mother holding the body of her son in her arms, crying in anguish to the men who killed him: \u201cO traitors! Murderers!\u201d I\u2019m 11. I feel magnificently small in my thrifted cargo pants and sneakers, my style utilitarian, always. All the older kids in the room are costumed in crunchy red velvet Elizabethan collars, holding skulls, sceptres, or swords. The adjudicator asks me what I\u2019ll be performing, and I hear myself answer. There\u2019s a density to the air around my ears, a fog. I realize I\u2019m shaking. I hadn\u2019t felt this when I rehearsed the monologue with Miss Colleen, a mom from my homeschooling group. Miss Colleen is why I\u2019m here in the first place.<\/em><\/p>\n

          After noticing my literary intrigue about Shakespeare a few weeks ago, she\u2019d asked if I\u2019d want to \u201cact\u201d and perform a monologue at the Utah Shakespeare Festival. It sounded fun to me. The only Shakespeare I\u2019ve ever seen was Emma Watson performing a monologue from <\/em>A Midsummer Night\u2019s Dream (Puck\u2019s \u201c<\/em>I am that merry wanderer of the night\u201d) in the 2007 film <\/em>Ballet Shoes. I love that movie so much. When Miss Colleen asked me what I wanted to perform, I told her I wanted to do Puck. She told me I needed something juicier. So here I am, performing Queen Margaret in cargo pants.<\/em><\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. jacket, collar and crown, Renaissance Renaissance skirt, Calzedonia hosiery and Jude shoes.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          The shaking is most apparent in my hands. I bind them together behind my back and let my fingers pick at themselves. The adjudicator finishes writing something, he looks up and says, shortly, \u201cGo ahead.\u201d Miss Colleen told me to take my time before I began speaking. To visualize where I am, who I\u2019m speaking to, and what I want. My hands unclasp, I look down to my imaginary son, and as I say, \u201cOh Ned, sweet Ned,\u201d the fog around my ears becomes a sort of protection. I know the words, I\u2019m performing them well.<\/em>Well enough to win my category. I\u2019ve never won first place for anything before.<\/em><\/p>\n

          \n
          \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

          The fog, a timely friend, has often found me when I perform. On set, if I\u2019m prepared and I\u2019ve run my lines, the fog acts as a medicine to my anxieties. I find its density correlated with the weight of a scene; it becomes more opaque the heavier the material. It\u2019s only penetrable if I\u2019m unsure of a line or lost on the meaning of a scene. Also, when my scene partner is funny. Sometimes, then, the sweet fog wanes. When we shot Season 1 of Shrinking<\/em>, I remember Jason [Segel] telling me he feels the most comfortable between \u201caction\u201dand \u201ccut.\u201d When the fog is pouring out my ears, embracing me, that\u2019s also how I feel.\n<\/p>\n

          I have this recurring nightmare where I\u2019m in the wings of a stage, rosining my pointe shoes. I realize that I\u2019ve completely forgotten my choreography. I step on stage and look out into a cavity of darkness that quickly animates itself into a full house audience. The music starts, I begin dancing, and it\u2019s all improvised movement, painfully aimless. Every so often, I glance to the audience, and it\u2019ll be emptier and emptier until there is only a void. There\u2019s another dream that takes place on a set, and often it\u2019s in Jimmy and Alice\u2019s kitchen [from the set of Shrinking<\/em>] on the Warner Bros. lot. In the dream, I hear action called and everything I\u2019ve ever known about acting abandons my mind. I can\u2019t remember my line. Jason will say his<\/em> line, I\u2019ll ad-lib, and to my surprise, whatever I improvise works. I hear laughs from behind the monitor. They call cut, say we\u2019re going for another take, and the dialogue runs back to me.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. jacket and collar.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          Being an actor has affirmed my need to embrace unknowns, to listen, and to stay curious. Magical, essentially spiritual, moments happen on set when something unscripted happens. There\u2019s a brief pit in your stomach, the fog is loudly absent, but somehow, you can catch ephemeral energy in your hand. It\u2019s hard for me to let go. I\u2019m a thinker, an overthinker much of the time. My therapist tells me I\u2019m burdened with awareness. She says it\u2019s an artist\u2019s trait.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

          As a kid, ballet was my first practice. Practice in the name of a sure, nearly prophetic outcome. Now, my goal is less tangible. I think it\u2019s more of a practice in process. I\u2019m trying to throw shit against the wall to see if it\u2019ll stick more often. I\u2019m trying to ruminate less on the unknowns and just make. A couple of years ago, I overheard someone say there\u2019s no one more insufferable than an artist not putting their art into the world. I don\u2019t want to be that artist.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top, skirt, and shoes, Intimissimi bra, Western Costume Co. hat, Miss Claire Sullivan arm cuffs.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"line\"\"line\"<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/figure>\n

          Pi\u00b7er\u00b7rot<\/em><\/strong> \/\u02c8<\/em>
          p\u0113\u0259\u02ccr\u014d\/<\/em>
          noun – French<\/em>
          clown character in traditional pantomime, with a sad painted face, a loose costume, and a pointed hat. The archetype of artistic alienation, unrequited love, and the masked self.<\/em><\/p>\n

          \n
          \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

          When I first started acting, I was more drawn to dramatic characters, ones that felt vulnerable, ones that let you watch them think. Worlds of comedy seem to have found me, specifically with Generation<\/em> and Shrinking<\/em>. I\u2019ve tried to play my characters, Delilah [Generation<\/em>] and Alice [Shrinking<\/em>], from places of vulnerability and honesty. I don\u2019t know how to approach a scene \u201cbeing funny.\u201d I just try to understand the present circumstances through my character\u2019s eyes and be guided by their intuition. I don\u2019t know which is more vulnerable, tragedy or comedy. I think the mask of comedy is the same as the mask of tragedy. I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s better to wear the mask or to strive to take it off. Shrinking<\/em> is categorized as a dramedy. It\u2019s a balancing act of an entire spectrum of emotion and being. Playing Alice has been my front-row seat to countless examples of that tightrope walk.\n<\/p>\n

          Season 1, witnessing Harrison [Ford] captivate not only the cast and crew but also the camera. He has a sustained and powerful relationship with the camera. Season 2, sitting across from Jason in the set kitchen, and we\u2019re shooting a scene for the finale. He\u2019s apologizing to me for failing as a father. He says the lines, take after take, and somehow, it\u2019s different every time. He\u2019s brilliant at catching the ephemeral moments, listening to them, and letting them infuse his performance. Season 3, hiding on the kitchen staircase, watching Gaby [played by Jessica Williams] plead with Louis [played by Brett Goldstein] to move on. She\u2019s brave, funny, and undeniably great. When I think of my times on the set of Shrinking<\/em>, there\u2019s an ever-calcifying gratitude in my body that I feel will continue growing with time.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Lukita\"Lukita<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Renaissance Renaissance top.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          After Generation<\/em>, my post-wrap ritual has been bleaching my eyebrows. It\u2019s something small that makes me feel in control of my appearance, especially after spending weeks or months playing a character. After camera wraps and I\u2019ve said goodbye, I\u2019ll get in my car and stop at the beauty store to pick up bleach and developer. The next morning, I\u2019ll wake up with raw skin around my brows and an itch to find the next thing<\/em>. Often, I want the next thing<\/em> to be a personal photo project, to get cast in an indie film, or to write. Usually, the next thing<\/em> is press. Along with most of my actor comrades, I find press an attempt to wear an ill-fitting mask. It doesn\u2019t feel like a mask fit to you, or to your character, but maybe one that\u2019s an amalgam of both? I\u2019m unsure whether people have wanted to see me as me<\/em> or as my character. Speaking through this mask, how do you concisely define the energy of an entire shoot? How to be smart, likeable, and interesting, and do it all rapid-fire and purportedly off the top of your head (the latter is hard. I\u2019m an overthinker, remember?). In the past, my answers have felt either laconic or uncomfortably earnest. An insecure, detrimental thought of the past has been that maybe being \u201cmyself\u201d is not what\u2019s best to promote a project.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Twopart\"Twopart<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. Western Costume Co. Pierrot suit, J.R. Malpere hat and collar, Falke tights and Repetto shoes.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          After we wrapped Season 2 of Shrinking<\/em>, I left for London for the summer. My intention was to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art, grieve a breakup, and find a sense of self again. Earlier that year, I had applied to RADA\u2019s Shakespeare acting program in a reaching attempt to reconnect with my childhood affinity. I wanted to connect with a true sense of play<\/em> without perception anxiety. In London, I was alone for the first time in a long time. There were many hours spent unsure of how they should be spent. I walked a lot and wrote a lot and read a lot of Shakespeare. It was a simple and nourishing time for my spirit. Coming home felt like a gentle revelation. I was more secure in my opinions and tastes. I could finally answer questions about myself without bothering to assuage the inquirer. I know this has to do with getting older, but revisiting the interests of my younger self was a catalyst.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \"Byrdie<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

          My favorite word when I was 12 was \u201cobsequious\u201d for no other reason than the way it sounded. It rang perfectly in my head. I named my goldfish Obsidian because I wanted to hear some of those aural patterns more often. I vaguely knew what the word meant, but paid it no attention.\n<\/p>\n

          Ob\u00b7se\u00b7qui\u00b7ous<\/em><\/strong> \/\u0259b\u02c8<\/em>
          s\u0113kw\u0113\u0259s\/<\/em>
          adjective<\/em>
          Obedient or attentive to an excessive degree.<\/em><\/p>\n

          I don\u2019t want to be obsequious. I don\u2019t need to say a lot, but what I will say will be with intention. I\u2019ll take my time. I\u2019m accepting the process more. I\u2019m more comfortable saying \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d I\u2019m sure the clown in me will roll her eyes at the ballerina, and the actor will stand by, in observation. They\u2019re all curious entities chasing the next thing<\/em>, maybe a photo project, maybe an indie film, or maybe to write. I\u2019m more comfortable with wearing a mask, even an ill-fitting one, and with taking it off. I\u2019m sure I\u2019m wearing one now, writing this piece. Whatever mask, my fidelity to curiosity won\u2019t change.\n<\/p>\n

          \n
          \n
          \"Portrait\"Portrait<\/div>\n<\/div>
          <\/p>\n

          Luke Lovell. J.R. Malpere collar.<\/p>\n

          <\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

          \n
          \n

          Editor in Chief:<\/strong> Hallie Gould<\/p>\n

          Photographer:<\/strong> Luke Lovell<\/p>\n

          Directors:<\/strong> Ben South + Eric Michael Roy<\/p>\n

          Makeup:<\/strong> Jo Baker<\/p>\n

          Hair:<\/strong> Kelly Peach<\/p>\n

          Nails:<\/strong> Eri Ishizu<\/p>\n

          Stylist:<\/strong> Ryan Young<\/p>\n

          Set Designer:<\/strong> Amy Jo Diaz<\/p>\n

          DP:<\/strong> Sam Grant<\/p>\n

          AC:<\/strong> Jake Deverian<\/p>\n

          Fashion Assistants: <\/strong>Elena Lark, Sophia Ozan, Ashley Weiler-Sandoval and Siena Skye<\/p>\n

          Beauty Direction:<\/strong> Hallie Gould<\/p>\n

          Creative Director:<\/strong> Jenna Brillhart<\/p>\n

          Photo Director:<\/strong> Kelly Chiello<\/p>\n

          Social Director:<\/strong> Star Donaldson<\/p>\n

          Social Editor:<\/strong> Araziel Jackson<\/p>\n

          Talent Booker:<\/strong> Jason Sheeler<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

          Source URL: https:\/\/www.byrdie.com\/lukita-maxwell-interview-11880850<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          The Next-Gen Issue Lukita Maxwell, In Her Own Words The layers of self we carry, shed, and celebrate. ByLukita Maxwell Published on January 29, 2026 07:57AM There\u2019s a ratty cat stuffed animal that I still have from childhood. I don\u2019t remember where I got it. It was most likely a Savers find or from the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1683978,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[83,226],"class_list":["post-1683976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics","tag-byrdie-com","tag-crawlmanager"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1683976","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1683976"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1683976\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1683978"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1683976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1683976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/analyse.optim.biz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1683976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}